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Taken Into The Stars: Bittersweet Memories (Part 3)

Everlasting Sirua

I gasped and sat up. The sea breeze hit me, and I inhaled it.  My eyes adjusted in the dark as I watched the waves lap the shore. I rose to brush the sand off my jeans and hoodie. A pink backpack with personal items and some cash was all I had on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what to expect. My family? Boyfriend? My twin brother Kieran? What will they say? This would be difficult, and cops would be called.

            I gazed at the beach a bit longer. I pulled out a mirror and changed my hair to a soft rosy color. I didn’t want to be completely recognizable. I’ll change my voice if needed. I began to walk away from the beach and found my way into the woods. I followed with the moon still overhead. I could hear movements. People inside their homes from a distance. Closer and closer, I finally reached the city area. I was back in New York City—home on earth. 

I didn’t rush as the sun rose, painting the sky with its orange and blue hues. I managed to reach the train station. The noises were overwhelming; with my heightened senses, it would take time to get used to. I breathed and tried to block everything out. I caught up to a train heading downtown. I could see the time; my boyfriend would take the train soon if he still worked the same job. I stood as I watched through the windows as the train stopped at each station. I was getting closer to the stop. Three stops…two stops… one stop…

Nothing. 

I released a shaky breath. Panic was setting in. Maybe he moved? Stopped working? So much can happen in four years. 

Ding. Doors closing. 

            “Excuse me…” My breath hitched at the familiar deep voice.

             Conrad.

            He sat across from me. I clenched the backpack against me, my hood up to conceal myself further. I peeked at him, he was in a dark hoodie with his leather jacket over it, and headphones were on. He had dark circles under his eyes and this far-off look. He almost looked broken…no hint of a smile, only emptiness. Even still, he was handsome, even with the severe look on his face; I could feel his sadness and loneliness. We rode for thirty minutes together. He got up, his stop approaching. Should I follow? I had no plan. I exited the train with him.

            He followed his route to work with me on his heels. As he entered his job, I made my way to the library with a café; my heart was beating quickly as I sat down with my usual order, a java chip frappe. It hurt to see him so sad and alone. What if he had a life and the sadness was something else? Another girl in his life? Could I accept that…?

            It felt weird being back here again. The library had changed a bit, and the drink tasted similar but better—memories creeping back to me of Conrad and I wandering in the manga and fiction section. I would find a book to get lost in as he sat next to me with his manga. Sometimes I would catch his gaze on me through the top part of his book. His cheek was resting against his hand, his smile subtle. “I know you’re looking at me, Conrad.” He’d avert his gaze and chuckle taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. “I can’t just look at you, love?” 

“Not without a kiss, you can’t” He leaned in for a kiss on my forehead, then my lips. “Want the usual, and we share?” I nodded. I watched as he walked away. Gosh, he was perfect and so sweet. He looked back and smiled softly. I made a face at him, and it got a smirk out of him—that memory felt like forever ago.

It was almost time for him to get out. So, I quickly sipped up my drink and dropped it into the bin with a loud thud.

Thank you for reading! I’ve been thoroughly enjoying writing the series. I’m still trying to to debate whether to keep it tame or have adult content. Let me know if this would be of interest to anyone as my audience. I appreciate you all!

Affiliate Links, Hobbies, Life, Product Review, Tarot/Card Readings

Tarot Tuesday: New Years

Everlasting Sirua

Been a while since I’ve done a tarot Tuesday. How about starting the new year with a spread?

I found this New Years spread here at: https://vanessairena.com/a-simple-new-year-tarot-spread/

In order from 1 to 4:

  • Seven of Swords
  • Pillar (AKA Empress)
  • Seven of Wands
  • Strength

What Am I Releasing:

Seven of Swords speaks to deception, enemies, manipulation. Personally speaking, that’s what I’ve been trying to let go for a long time. Having people who are willing to lie, disturb your peace, and cause you harm should have little to no space in your life. Easier said than done.

What I Learned

The Pillar (Empress) comes about when you’re nurturing. Whether it be an actual person or a project. It brings nurturing, love and pleasure into one. It also talks about self love and care, a time of growth. All of which I spend the last year learning and devoting myself to. This year is no different. I will continue to strive for what works for me.

What am I Cultivating

Seven of Wands says I’m cultivating protectiveness and boundaries. I’m clearing negativity that’s either been or is present. A new year brings about reflection. It’s okay to want to protect the energy you’ve built.

What Are My Tools

The tool in my arsenal: Strength with the meaning of resilience and determination. Challenges may come but if facing it with compassion and using internal will. I’ll combat these challenges and learn from the experience.

I’m satisfied with this spread’s revelation since it felt familiar and spoke to my truths in the past year and what’s to come. I’m determined to continue maintaining our peace, happiness and success through this year. And hope 2023 brings the same to my readers. I find that writing out plans, goals and organizing my time definitely helps. Whether this be a physical book or simply adding to your Google calendar. Even as an entrepreneur or worker, it’s essential to remember important dates or meetings. The cute planner above I’ve been using as of recently. You can start at any time since it’s a fill in planner, with completely blank sheets for you to use. I love the adorable Sakura design! You can find this planner here: Cherry Blossom Planner

But if you like something more simple, unique or professional here’s some popular ones:

**Disclaimer** As an Amazon associate this blog earns commission for purchases made with links on this post. Thank you for reading!

Hobbies, Stories

Taken into The Stars: Part 2

Everlasting Sirua

I stared into my reflection. I was not the same person I was; I longed to go home. My appearance may have changed, but I was still me. Where my dark brown eyes once were, now a brighter maroon brown with flecks of pink stood. My hair used to be brown, almost black, and now it can have any chosen colors, glow or shine, a perk I gained in my transition. My skin was now flawless, almost translucent with pink undertones, and it would shimmer in bright lighting. 

In the beginning, angry and afraid when I woke up after the transition was complete, I once unleashed my full power. My eyes had changed to a piercing silver blue, and my hair grew past the length of my body into an opal color with shimmers all over; it pulsed with every surge of power that came through me. The room fell silent…no one was able to move. An enchanted song from my vocal cords paralyzed them. A sound that can only be described as celestial. The experience was described as wonderous, and all those who could hear me would fix their gaze on me…waiting for their deaths. I remember only my screams and asking to go home. But overwhelmed with exhaustion. I fainted.

I didn’t feel I belonged on this planet, but did I belong on Earth? These people had chosen me due to a fate they couldn’t explain. They could sense the “special” humans. Everyone was kind, and things were peaceful here compared to my life on Earth. The view in this room was my favorite; I could sit here for hours and think about my future, past, and present. I missed my old life. I gazed into the pink skies where clouds would swirl, and when the stars came through, I rose with a deep exhale. My door slid open, and my guardian, Zuke, was waiting for me. He politely bowed while saying, “Ma’am, it’s time.” I nodded. “Thank you, Zuke.” He bowed down again and escorted me to the lab.

Before reaching the lab, I felt a presence nearing. I smirked. “I know you’re there.” Out from the corner emerged Fexor, Delmar, and Andrina. They were orphans, raised by a lovely older couple who had more kids than I had seen in a lifetime, but these three were older now, barely reaching adulthood, but were geniuses in the making. My orders to the society were to change their futures, educate them, financially support their studies, hire them for work, and protect their family. They were only 12 when we met. I was 20 and homesick. I would sing them to sleep. I learned about the nightmares they used to have. Their desires, loneliness, and despair rolled on me as I melted them away. I took away their pain and sorrows. And taught them to be resilient. There came a moment when they had all decided to call me Big Sis. I disappeared for a few days after. The couple explained to them that I couldn’t be their sister forever. Eventually, upon my return, I explained that I wouldn’t be around forever. My stay was temporary. The legacy I would build here would be theirs. They knew this day would come. Yet here we were, four years later. 

I opened my arms; they hesitated. I saw their eyes pooling with tears. Andrina came over first. Her gentle sobs came through my chest. I held her close with one arm. Fexor came next, sniffling as he took solace in my other arm. Delmar stood over us, and I could see his tears falling silently as he leaned his forehead into my hair. His shoulders sank, defeated. I sang for them, perhaps for the last time. We pulled away. Andrina croaked, “We’ll miss you….” I nodded. “I’ll always miss you all. Thank you for everything. You’ll have an amazing life here. Good luck” With one last look at them, I walked away, a faint whisper, “Good luck, Big Sis.” 

I was the first changed human that had chosen to go back to Earth. I longed to see my parents and boyfriend; maybe this would feel like a dream one day. They explained that my appearance wouldn’t change. Great, now my family would ask questions while barely recognizing me. A scientist smiled as they placed a device on my head that would keep my brain from talking about this planet or anything that happened here. I would keep my memories and knowledge of being here, but I couldn’t talk about it to anyone. 

“We all wish you would stay and learn more with us. You make a difference here.” The scientist said. He had experienced my power and the work I had accomplished over the years. 

I shrugged. “I’m sorry…maybe if life on Earth doesn’t work out….”

“We will come back for you if there’s any danger, ma’am. Or if you request it. You’ll always have the choice to return—even years from now. The council will send for you if you request it.”

The machine finished, and I could feel the mental lock in place. I couldn’t talk in detail about the past four years. Fear was building up and knotting in my chest as they continued the preparations. Zuke approached me; he looked sullen as he held a blindfold. I smiled as he spoke, “It’s been a pleasure, ma’am. I’ll watch over the others. Your orders.” Always so proper. “They’re your family too, Zuke. Stay with them. Protect and love them as such.” He was an orphan too. He never received love until we met the older couple and their kids. Zuke was enamored; the couple said he reminded them of a son they lost years ago, and now Zuke was their son whether he liked it or not. He would take the room I left behind. “I will, ma’am. Thank you.” He blindfolded me and led me away. I felt the air shift. Go silent. That numb feeling and a lack of all senses came over me—the same as all those years ago. I focused on what home would be like and slowly drifted further away.

Thanks for reading! This series will be on and off worked on since most days I’m busy with life. But I thoroughly enjoy writing and fixing this up for everyone’s enjoyment. Reminder that these are drafts that I hope to edit/publish one day. But for now it’s for everyone to enjoy and read. Thanks for the support!

Dream Journal, Life, Stories

Taken Into the Stars: Intro

Everlasting Sirua

Chapter 1: When They Came For Me

One moment, I was looking up at the stars on the porch. The phone beside me buzzed, and I opened a message from my boyfriend. “I miss you love.” I started to type back when I felt dizzy, and a pounding headache brought me to my knees. It felt as though gravity was pulling me down. It was suffocating my entire being. “Help” was all I could manage to send back to him, my last words.

A flash of light lit up in the darkness, and everything around me went silent. I looked up at the blinding light. I was screaming, but no sound came. An unknown force swept up my body. Suddenly, cold darkness came over me. I could hear whispering in the distance. I was numb, shivering from the cold? Fear? I couldn’t tell if I was standing, sitting, or floating. There was faint whispering as I drifted away.

It’s been four years since then. Life on this planet was beautiful despite the abduction and their experiments. None were painful, but they changed me…into something else. The abducted humans were treated as superiors. Those who completed their transition would then have a choice between going home or staying to learn more about the universe or expanding their peaceful life here with the others. All had chosen to remain; except me.

Hello everyone! This is the start of a series I’m writing. More to come soon! If you’re enjoying please feel free to comment. Anything I post here are drafts that’ll eventually be put together into a book one day hopefully. The inspiration comes from past dreams and I fill in the details or add to it. Hope you all enjoy. Photo is from the AI avatar Lensa using my own selfies. I loved how it came out!

Life

Time Management: Work in Progress

Everlasting Sirua

My schedule has become more hectic as I enter the last phases of college, meeting demands at work and demands in life. Between a teething toddler, kindergarten applications for our special needs child, holidays and all. It seems as though there’s no time to stop and think. I’m in a constant go state of mind and quite frankly I can tell I might come crashing down in any second.

Thankfully a two-week break is coming. But before then, I want self-care. I need a nap and some me time. It’s what’s keeping me sane for the moment. When it comes to time management it’s difficult overall. Life has a set of categories when it comes to what will be done for the day. In my case, work/school/home/social/self care. Of course there’s sub categories but for now let’s keep it simple.

Everyday, I make the decision of how much time to put into each category. Do I divide them evenly? Do I have time for each one? What do I do if one suffers? Well, that usually ends in a “save for tomorrow” mindset. I’ve found that looking at my week and based on everyone else’s schedule and preference I can set a time to spend for each thing. Pre planning can help me mentally prepare for what’s to come. And have less stress on myself than usual. But we all know plans can shift quickly thus I adapt or tend to have a back up plan.

It’s not perfect and I’m still working on it. There’s still so much more things that I enjoy that I wish I had more time for. Gaming, writing, shows, reading and the gym. During my breaks I like doing a bit of everything more. But slowly I’ve been shying away from socializing the way I used to since my focuses have shifted. Priorities change and a category will suffer whether we like it or not. Just know it’s human and it’ll pass eventually.

Affiliate Links, Life, Tesla

One Year with Baymax (Tesla Model Y 2022) EV Ownership Overview

Everlasting Sirua

Baymax is a year old!

I’m not a car person honestly. You can’t ask me much about a gas vehicle without me fumbling in my head to understand. However, I understand tech and for it to be on wheels only amplifies my interest in it.

So far things with ownership of an EV is a bit different than most. Going out of my way to charge and planning out errands when battery is a bit low. Below 20 percent sentry doesn’t work so I always try to keep it above 20 percent at all times. My charging situation hasn’t changed much. I still have mostly 60/40 on charging. 60 percent at home and 40 percent super charging. This changes when I go for long trips but I’m so grateful for Tesla’s charging network.

I do wish I could possible have level 2 charging at home. Level 1 charging is painfully slow and needs to be left over night and maybe even all weekend after a week of running errands and 2-3 times a week traveling to the office or picking up husband from work. Living in NYC everything is close by so charging happens maybe 1-2 times a week. We also try our best to charge from home cause it’s cheaper and with smart charge rewards we earn some of that back! Average we get about 10-15 dollars back on it so it pays for some of our super charging sessions. If you’re an EV owner living in NYC and you charge at home or even at work. Check out Smart Charge NY and earn points using my referral to sign up. It’s easy and tracks your charging usage to earn rewards. It pays you through PayPal and uses the email you sign up with to connect to your PayPal email and sent payment.

Now everyone hears about cost savings and fuel savings. It’s truly a mix when it comes to owning a Tesla since it’s price is hard to justify. Personally I see it as an investment. I do plan on keeping Baymax for a while which offsets the cost every year that I own it. On paper I’m still spending more than our CRV that I owned previous. But the cost savings for us adds up to almost 700 a year. Based on 11,710 miles that we’ve driven this year and the average payments from smart charge rewards.

Overall in the next 5 years the cost will be more. With car insurance which varies constantly. The difference would be 25-30k. So it’s more of a personal choice for us. I love that this is one of the safest and cleaner choices for our family. Autopilot has been a good partner for those long drives upstate. It’s fun to drive and the over the air updates are great. It all comes down to personal choice.

The white seats have held up great but it does get frustrating cleaning it since I dislike seeing dirty. With some warm water and mild soap it mostly comes off. Plus I use an interior cleaning spray. Overall it’s not too bad.

Hope you enjoyed this update! Feel free to follow Baymax on Instagram: @teslabaymax_nyc and Twitter: @teslabaymaxnyc

Life, Shedding my Weight, weight loss

Six Months Post Op VSG: Stalls

Everlasting Sirua

Half a year down. One more year to go. I say this because that’s how long it may take to reach a goal weight with gastric sleeve. I’ve hit a stall recently. Mostly due to what I take in as food. Plus lack of exercise. I’m going to reset and start over. Back to strictly healthy foods and water. Along with upping my physical activity and holding myself responsible to go to the gym. The only cheat I’ll have is my weekly Starbucks that I love when studying. We will see how that goes.

Stalls are frustrating because you’re eating less and it feels like your body is refusing to lose weight. But sometimes taking a step back and assessing what you’re doing right or wrong then changing things a little can set you back on the right path. Mistakes are made along the way and habits don’t change in a day. I got lost along the way due to convenience and snacks. I let my cravings get the best of me when water should of been my best friend. I’ll get back there to that mindset of the gym and pushing past my limits.

Temptations are everywhere. Every outing. Every grocery shopping errand. People around you. Social parties. It’ll happen and you might fall off for a while. But it’s important to realize and get back up. Motivate yourself or find others to motivate you and support you. It’s okay to try again. It’s okay cause you’re learning and we are all learning. That’s the beauty of the journey (or struggle)

Affiliate Links, Dream Journal, Hobbies, Life

Journaling: A Decade of Life

Everlasting Sirua

When I was first introduced to the concept of a diary I was about maybe 7 years old. Putting my feelings and events onto paper as a way to recall moments in my life. The concept was sort of odd to me but I loved writing and took to it right away. At first I’d write about my day, video games I played, and books I liked. Eventually, once I had my first crush (who’s now my husband) I’d include him in there too. I even recall my last entry before it was lost or thrown once I moved away. “If there’s such thing as love. I hope it’ll be my crush.” An 8 year old manifesting her destiny. Now, twenty years later. Here we are.

I continued to journal after that. I started another journal at 11 and wrote in it until I was 13. I even kept a different journal that my best friends or friends in middle school would pass notes on. No secrets. Mostly asking about each others day and things people already knew about us. But my journaling at home came to a halt once I realized my parents and aunt were reading it. Which violated any trust I had left of them. I was devastated and felt exposed. Turmoil even set in since I didn’t have anywhere to put my thoughts, vent and write freely since I knew I was running the chance they’ll find it again.

I didn’t write in another journal til I was about 19 years old. After my husband and I began dating I was overwhelmed with emotions and kept falling deeper in a hole. I finally gave in and began writing again. This time I had my own room and more hiding places. Thus a decade of writing began. My life from 19 years old til now. My dreams, fears, moments in time that I had long forgotten, and snippets of moments whether it be good or bad. It’s weird looking back at 19 year old me. How much I’ve grown and how she, the past me, doesn’t know what’s to come and when it does gel she managed it. There’s happy, sad, success and despair at every turn. Times where I shook my head from how naive and lost I was.

Journaling gives me a release. Once I moved in with my husband. I wrote freely and whenever I wanted. It gives me a chance to relive moments again and compare to the person I was. The growth and experiences on paper shaping me to the present. This is probably why I took to blogging as well. A different approach of journaling to an audience about my experiences and share about my journey.

At times I feel alone in my journal journey. Quite frankly I’m yet to meet someone who has saved their journals/diaries through the years as I did. I’ve also bought new journals for future writing. Tried different pens for writing.

Thus far I enjoy the lined smaller journals like this journal on Amazon. It’s small, cute and sturdy. Easy to store in a drawer and a built in book mark so you don’t lose where you’re at. I also bought these cute Cat pens a couple of years ago that I still use for anything. If you like thin tip pens (.38mm) these are for you!

Don’t like thin pens or feel like you always can’t find a pen? I bought this 144 count Bic Pens and I do like them since it’s smooth and just the right size tip (1mm). I took it to work for office use and left a few at home for back up. Ones that I have on my wish list to try are these Cute pink pens and it has a pink highlighter as well! Definitely love the aesthetic and the clip designs. If you’re a planner like me or need to write things down to organize yourself better there’s this adorable Sakura planner that I love! It’s undated so you can get this and wait til 2023 if you want to date, add and customize it to your liking.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of insight into my life. Writing has always been a part of me. I hope to continue but in the form of fiction stories. Do you enjoy writing? Journaling? Kept a diary at some point? Comment below. As always, stay sweet, everyone.

**Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate/Affiliate this blog earns commission from links used above to make purchases.**

Affiliate Links, Discounts, Life, Product Review

Falling in Place: Gratefulness

Everlasting Sirua

Another year is flying by with the Holidays approaching and the change in seasonal as the cold air greets me every morning that I go outside for air. I own more hoodies than a normal person should so it’s fun interchanging between them all.

Each year I feel melancholy wash over me. Whether it be from looking into the past and secretly wishing for something or being nervous for what’s ahead. But I’m also grateful for the year has brought me. That I get to watch the trees change in color and snuggle up with my favorite people day or night. How we get to have each others presence in that moment as I continue to do my best in being happy. I’m grateful to my husband who understands my chaotic brain that never stops. While also giving me the space I need to move forward with my goals.

I feel as though things are falling in place. I’m learning to let go of small things and not worry too much. Overthinking and being overwhelmed has always been an issue of mines so figuring how to navigate through it has been a challenge. But I can do this. I’ll continue day after day. Working on myself and taking life in steps instead of strides.

With the cold returning it’s easy to have our lips chapped and splitting. As of now I’ve been using a lip mask that helps keep them supple and protected: Laneige Lip Mask <——Amazing thus far I can’t recommend it enough. Even for those times where you lick your lips too much or maybe not you but your child. This has worked on my son who used to lick his lips too much and peel the skin off his lips too. I noticed a difference within one night.

Also, I did mention I have a collection of hoodies? Yup I had to do it. I bought this rack with the sole purpose to carry my hoodies. It’s been great to have it all in once place and gave my closet more space to put away clothing. Theres even a second rack in the bottom in case you want to have hold jeans or anything that’s fits. Also if you need extra hangers to store more clothing, these hangers come in different colors and are pretty sturdy. I hope this helps!

Hope you all been well. I’m still working on my story intros and plan to release them soon. School has been taking up a lot of my time along with tiredness. There’s been many times I fall asleep with my laptop open and I laugh to myself.

**Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate/Affiliate this blog earns commission through the links posted above**

Life

Playing Catch Up: Give Yourself Grace

Everlasting Sirua

It’s surprising how behind you can get when you have a week off.

Recently we went on a family cruise and we had a lot of fun. Granted that traveling with kids can be stressful in itself. Especially with a 4 and 1 year old who still don’t understand waiting in line. However, we all enjoyed the uninterrupted family time. So much so that I hardly could focus on school assignments. Thus, I was a week behind and struggling to keep up.

Sometimes I find myself in a limbo of how to study at home. But the distractions and sounds of my boys plus husband talking to them keeps me from actually focusing. Being home is where I’m comfortable and easily distracted. Eventually, I decided to go back to sitting at Starbucks for a coffee and 2-3 hour sessions of studying and catching up. I did this about 4 times in the last 2 weeks of the term before completing and catching up with about 90 percent of what was left for me to submit.

I’m always thankful for my husband in these times where I need him most. He understands that for me to succeed as a student I might need to put distance between the house and me. Once I’m seated with a a drink in my reach, do not disturb on, and music in my ears. I’m able to hyper focus and complete what I can. Hours will pass before I realize it’s already time to go home. I breathed a sigh of relief and the stress melts away. Everyday being closer to graduation makes me more and more excited.

So if you’re a student or someone in need of getting away. Whether it be to study or simply reading a good book. I understand completely. Sometimes home can be distracting and it’s okay to leave to get away to focus on yourself. It’s part of self care and it’s okay to want a break even if it’s for a moment. An hour or more a week. Give yourself grace. Cause you’re important too.

Drink above is Starbucks Iced Apple Crisp Oatmilk Macchiato