Category: Hobbies

Hobbies, mental health

Journaling: Junk Journaling

Everlasting Sirua

As mentioned in a previous blog entry. I’ve been journaling for years. They’re more like diaries. I finished one that I’ve had since September 2017 til February 2023. Almost six years worth of entries. A person of the past. The emotional shifts and growth as you watch yourself grow through the page you write.

I have different journals for different uses. Budget, To Do List/Work, Diary and Miscellaneous one with random thoughts or ideas for something. I get obsessive about journaling sometimes. Writing things down physically is different than typing it out. I tend to retain more that way.

This notebook I purchased from Notebook therapy. There’s so many options and limited time notebooks. Their washi tapes are so cute and they sell rubber stamps. This is one of many notebooks I own from them. Their main use is for bullet journal but I can use it as a diary as well.

Whale collection Washi

These whale collection washi tape are so adorable. Once I have junk paper and everything to craft I’ll show off what I do before beginning my entry. I’m so excited to bring out a part of creativity in myself to share with you all. It’s almost the end of February and I feel a sense of change coming. Life is already crazy with busy times and finishing up this term of school. I’m hopeful once I finish things will calm down. But something tells me that’s not the case. I will have little time between school finishing and the comings weeks to relax. Life is funny in that way.

Anyone been journaling or likes to journal? Scrap book? Comment below your experience!

Hobbies, Stories, Story/Book

Taken into the Stars: Losing Her (Conrad) Part 5

Everlasting Sirua

Working nights are quiet. There is nothing else to do besides ensuring the building is clean, trash is taken out, and sometimes people come in and out. I pick up my phone and open Lani’s chat. I text her, “I miss you love,” and send it off. Only the universe knows how much I miss that woman on these nights. I would get there in the morning and walk into the room. There she would be with the stupid kitten, Bruce. Okay, okay. Not stupid. The little guy is cute. Black with yellow piercing eyes. He was still a kitten; that age is always ridiculous, annoying, and cute. They’d be cuddled together with Bruce on her head, lost somewhere in her length of dark hair. All you’d see are yellow eyes staring at you in the darkness. Lani’s slow breathing could be heard, surely asleep. But…the moment I set foot in through our bedroom door, her eyes would flutter open. It was always eerie how she knew. 

Buzz.

I opened her message. Panic set in, and I rose off my stool. “Help”? I called her. Voicemail. I kept calling. Dang it, Lani. It kept ringing. I called Kieran, who answered oddly quickly, “Hey man…do you know what time it is? Are you okay?”

“Kieran, I can’t reach your sister. She sent a text saying to help. I’m at work. Can you go, please? You’re closer; I’ll be there soon” I could hear Kieran rustling and the door slamming shut, “Yeah, I gotcha. I’m leaving now.” 

Police lights? I pulled up and got out of the car. The worst thoughts were coming to me. Kieran was standing outside. “What happened?!” He shook his head. “I don’t know, man. She’s not here. Her phone’s outside, but she isn’t home. Cops think maybe she left and disappeared on her own. Asking me questions about her. My sister isn’t on drugs or a flight risk like no man. They don’t believe me.” I could hardly hide my anger as I approached two cops in their car. “Hey, I’m the boyfriend. My girlfriend texted me to help.” The cop nonchalantly replied, “Well, there’s no sign of forced entry, and it hasn’t been more than a few hours. I don’t think that qualifies as anything worrisome yet.” I clenched my jaw. “My girlfriend doesn’t just disappear on her own. She sits on the porch to work or study. She never goes anywhere without her phone. Hell, she won’t even leave our damn kitten alone. I even called her brother to come to check in because we both know she is NOT like this, and her phone was on the floor. If she’s been kidnapped…” They seemed to look at me and finally said, “Okay, sir, let me get detectives. We apologize for the delay.”

The night was a blur of questions; all we were told to do was wait. Wait as I felt my soul fell apart.

One Week Later

Missing, she was missing. This place, our place, feels so dark without her. Bruce lays on her side all the time. Do cats miss their people? This pain in my chest. My heart and soul were breaking apart. A part of me has been ripped away, and it’s raw—the constant what-ifs whirlwind through my mind. My stomach churned with hunger. But I was too numb to eat anything. I couldn’t enjoy a meal knowing she was out there. Alive…scared…or worse. Please, I want her back…

One Month Later

My phone rings, and I still flinch. Usually, it’s her brother wanting to talk or game. I feel myself slipping away further and further. I don’t feel her anymore. I feel dead. As time passed, reality set in. I might not see Lani alive ever again…

Bruce has gotten bigger. I feed him, work, let videos play in the background, and sip on my coffee…even when it burns, at least I feel something. But sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed with grief that I never wish to get out of bed on my days off. But Bruce comes to let me know he is hungry. At least someone is hungry…when was the last time I ate anything good? 

I sighed in the shower and leaned into the hot water. Letting it soothe my sore muscles. But it couldn’t help the pain within. A random memory of her peeking into the shower curtain, asking to come in. Before I could agree, she’d pull the curtain open and step in. My eyes would drift all over her as I took her in. The sleepy eyes, long dark hair, the thickness of her thighs leading into curvy hips, and the sweet sound of giggling as she went around me to get under the shower. The smell of her soap as she slathered it on herself. I wanted to surround myself with that smell forever. So, I wrapped my arms around her to help her lather up. I knew all her ticklish spots, her favorite places to be touched, and where to massage to relax her. I’d bite her ear as she melted in my arms. She’d finish showering, and she would encaptivate me. “Okay, done!” A peck on the lips, and she was rushing out. “Don’t you dare. Come here”. I’d pull her back in for a deeper kiss. Stepping out of the shower myself, one hand still entangled in her wet hair. Her warm body pressed against me, and I couldn’t resist. I wanted to get lost inside her and forget everything to make her mine.

The memory stung, and the heaviness in my chest made me weak with despair. My breathing quickened, and I felt dizzy. My heart was beating out of my chest as the sobs came in waves. I was nauseated by the haunting thoughts of anyone darkening that smile, laying their hands on her, and the fear she must be feeling…or felt. I was hyperventilating. I sat in the tub with my hands on my head. I took deep breaths. These panic attacks often came now, sometimes a few times a day. Memories are triggered at every turn.

A mew snapped me back into reality. Bruce was sitting by the shower. His meow was soft, and his face seemed puzzled. I was losing myself in the memories again. “Thanks, buddy…” He began to purr and walked away. I yelled out, “I see how it is. Leave a man when he’s down.” That damn cat…

POV I’ve always enjoyed POV books and thought maybe we could see the side of Conrad of his grief without her. As he watches her family suffer through that time without her as well as his heartbreak. Hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you all think thus far!

Hobbies, Life, Tarot/Card Readings

Tarot Tuesday: Keep Trusting the Process

Everlasting Sirua

It’s strange how life will continue to give you signs to keep going and to trust yourself and the process. January has ended. February is here. Time keeps going on. I reshuffled my tarot deck after a while of feeling away from it all.

A familiar card appears and I can’t help but feel relieved. The seven of coins as I mentioned in a previous post. Speaks to a journey you’re on. You’ve put in the work and the rewards are coming. The journey is not done but it’s coming along. There’s always a moment where my trust wavers slightly. It’s tiring to keep going and feeling as if there’s no end. But, I won’t give up now. Hopefully my readers won’t either. Stay sweet everyone and enjoy your Tuesday.

Hobbies, Life

Goals for 2023: Implementing and Progress

Everlasting Sirua

Lately I’m so caught up with writing and life. Honestly, I enjoy writing and always eager to find time to update and tweak the drafts currently being released.

I’m also excited to discover anchor.fm through WordPress. Podcasts for blogs? So cool! I released my first episode as a test run. I’m debating whether to take the time to read it myself and mess with a voice changer to enhance the reading experience. It’s going to take time and might have to adjust myself to do so if it’s better for my readers.

The tarot readings have slowed thus far but I’m confident there’s a lot I want to sense and know from the universe. Peering into myself and being motivated is part of my self care. My weight loss journey has stalled but I do plan to update you all on how I plan to reset and continue my progress.

I recently mentioned to someone how sometimes my emotions are like the ocean. Some days the waters is clear and serene. But there’s days it’s dark and ruthless. Others, a storm that I do my best to weather. However, I am always hopeful that I’ll be alright.

I’ve been taking some time to also read and inspire myself into writing more of the story. Studying as much as I can to finish school. Already halfway through the term. I’m excited to graduate and see what life’s opportunities has in store. To take a break from school so I can find my love for gaming and socializing more again. Maybe get ahead in writing Taken into the Stars. In few months time we will see. My goal is to eventually publish it.

As always. Stay sweet everyone. May life ease your path. Check out the latest update in my series Taken into the Stars Return or if you haven’t started it. Give it a read here: Taken into tha Stars Intro and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Affiliate Links, Hobbies, Life, Product Review, Tarot/Card Readings

Tarot Tuesday: New Years

Everlasting Sirua

Been a while since I’ve done a tarot Tuesday. How about starting the new year with a spread?

I found this New Years spread here at: https://vanessairena.com/a-simple-new-year-tarot-spread/

In order from 1 to 4:

  • Seven of Swords
  • Pillar (AKA Empress)
  • Seven of Wands
  • Strength

What Am I Releasing:

Seven of Swords speaks to deception, enemies, manipulation. Personally speaking, that’s what I’ve been trying to let go for a long time. Having people who are willing to lie, disturb your peace, and cause you harm should have little to no space in your life. Easier said than done.

What I Learned

The Pillar (Empress) comes about when you’re nurturing. Whether it be an actual person or a project. It brings nurturing, love and pleasure into one. It also talks about self love and care, a time of growth. All of which I spend the last year learning and devoting myself to. This year is no different. I will continue to strive for what works for me.

What am I Cultivating

Seven of Wands says I’m cultivating protectiveness and boundaries. I’m clearing negativity that’s either been or is present. A new year brings about reflection. It’s okay to want to protect the energy you’ve built.

What Are My Tools

The tool in my arsenal: Strength with the meaning of resilience and determination. Challenges may come but if facing it with compassion and using internal will. I’ll combat these challenges and learn from the experience.

I’m satisfied with this spread’s revelation since it felt familiar and spoke to my truths in the past year and what’s to come. I’m determined to continue maintaining our peace, happiness and success through this year. And hope 2023 brings the same to my readers. I find that writing out plans, goals and organizing my time definitely helps. Whether this be a physical book or simply adding to your Google calendar. Even as an entrepreneur or worker, it’s essential to remember important dates or meetings. The cute planner above I’ve been using as of recently. You can start at any time since it’s a fill in planner, with completely blank sheets for you to use. I love the adorable Sakura design! You can find this planner here: Cherry Blossom Planner

But if you like something more simple, unique or professional here’s some popular ones:

**Disclaimer** As an Amazon associate this blog earns commission for purchases made with links on this post. Thank you for reading!

Hobbies, Stories

Taken into The Stars: Part 2

Everlasting Sirua

I stared into my reflection. I was not the same person I was; I longed to go home. My appearance may have changed, but I was still me. Where my dark brown eyes once were, now a brighter maroon brown with flecks of pink stood. My hair used to be brown, almost black, and now it can have any chosen colors, glow or shine, a perk I gained in my transition. My skin was now flawless, almost translucent with pink undertones, and it would shimmer in bright lighting. 

In the beginning, angry and afraid when I woke up after the transition was complete, I once unleashed my full power. My eyes had changed to a piercing silver blue, and my hair grew past the length of my body into an opal color with shimmers all over; it pulsed with every surge of power that came through me. The room fell silent…no one was able to move. An enchanted song from my vocal cords paralyzed them. A sound that can only be described as celestial. The experience was described as wonderous, and all those who could hear me would fix their gaze on me…waiting for their deaths. I remember only my screams and asking to go home. But overwhelmed with exhaustion. I fainted.

I didn’t feel I belonged on this planet, but did I belong on Earth? These people had chosen me due to a fate they couldn’t explain. They could sense the “special” humans. Everyone was kind, and things were peaceful here compared to my life on Earth. The view in this room was my favorite; I could sit here for hours and think about my future, past, and present. I missed my old life. I gazed into the pink skies where clouds would swirl, and when the stars came through, I rose with a deep exhale. My door slid open, and my guardian, Zuke, was waiting for me. He politely bowed while saying, “Ma’am, it’s time.” I nodded. “Thank you, Zuke.” He bowed down again and escorted me to the lab.

Before reaching the lab, I felt a presence nearing. I smirked. “I know you’re there.” Out from the corner emerged Fexor, Delmar, and Andrina. They were orphans, raised by a lovely older couple who had more kids than I had seen in a lifetime, but these three were older now, barely reaching adulthood, but were geniuses in the making. My orders to the society were to change their futures, educate them, financially support their studies, hire them for work, and protect their family. They were only 12 when we met. I was 20 and homesick. I would sing them to sleep. I learned about the nightmares they used to have. Their desires, loneliness, and despair rolled on me as I melted them away. I took away their pain and sorrows. And taught them to be resilient. There came a moment when they had all decided to call me Big Sis. I disappeared for a few days after. The couple explained to them that I couldn’t be their sister forever. Eventually, upon my return, I explained that I wouldn’t be around forever. My stay was temporary. The legacy I would build here would be theirs. They knew this day would come. Yet here we were, four years later. 

I opened my arms; they hesitated. I saw their eyes pooling with tears. Andrina came over first. Her gentle sobs came through my chest. I held her close with one arm. Fexor came next, sniffling as he took solace in my other arm. Delmar stood over us, and I could see his tears falling silently as he leaned his forehead into my hair. His shoulders sank, defeated. I sang for them, perhaps for the last time. We pulled away. Andrina croaked, “We’ll miss you….” I nodded. “I’ll always miss you all. Thank you for everything. You’ll have an amazing life here. Good luck” With one last look at them, I walked away, a faint whisper, “Good luck, Big Sis.” 

I was the first changed human that had chosen to go back to Earth. I longed to see my parents and boyfriend; maybe this would feel like a dream one day. They explained that my appearance wouldn’t change. Great, now my family would ask questions while barely recognizing me. A scientist smiled as they placed a device on my head that would keep my brain from talking about this planet or anything that happened here. I would keep my memories and knowledge of being here, but I couldn’t talk about it to anyone. 

“We all wish you would stay and learn more with us. You make a difference here.” The scientist said. He had experienced my power and the work I had accomplished over the years. 

I shrugged. “I’m sorry…maybe if life on Earth doesn’t work out….”

“We will come back for you if there’s any danger, ma’am. Or if you request it. You’ll always have the choice to return—even years from now. The council will send for you if you request it.”

The machine finished, and I could feel the mental lock in place. I couldn’t talk in detail about the past four years. Fear was building up and knotting in my chest as they continued the preparations. Zuke approached me; he looked sullen as he held a blindfold. I smiled as he spoke, “It’s been a pleasure, ma’am. I’ll watch over the others. Your orders.” Always so proper. “They’re your family too, Zuke. Stay with them. Protect and love them as such.” He was an orphan too. He never received love until we met the older couple and their kids. Zuke was enamored; the couple said he reminded them of a son they lost years ago, and now Zuke was their son whether he liked it or not. He would take the room I left behind. “I will, ma’am. Thank you.” He blindfolded me and led me away. I felt the air shift. Go silent. That numb feeling and a lack of all senses came over me—the same as all those years ago. I focused on what home would be like and slowly drifted further away.

Thanks for reading! This series will be on and off worked on since most days I’m busy with life. But I thoroughly enjoy writing and fixing this up for everyone’s enjoyment. Reminder that these are drafts that I hope to edit/publish one day. But for now it’s for everyone to enjoy and read. Thanks for the support!

Affiliate Links, Dream Journal, Hobbies, Life

Journaling: A Decade of Life

Everlasting Sirua

When I was first introduced to the concept of a diary I was about maybe 7 years old. Putting my feelings and events onto paper as a way to recall moments in my life. The concept was sort of odd to me but I loved writing and took to it right away. At first I’d write about my day, video games I played, and books I liked. Eventually, once I had my first crush (who’s now my husband) I’d include him in there too. I even recall my last entry before it was lost or thrown once I moved away. “If there’s such thing as love. I hope it’ll be my crush.” An 8 year old manifesting her destiny. Now, twenty years later. Here we are.

I continued to journal after that. I started another journal at 11 and wrote in it until I was 13. I even kept a different journal that my best friends or friends in middle school would pass notes on. No secrets. Mostly asking about each others day and things people already knew about us. But my journaling at home came to a halt once I realized my parents and aunt were reading it. Which violated any trust I had left of them. I was devastated and felt exposed. Turmoil even set in since I didn’t have anywhere to put my thoughts, vent and write freely since I knew I was running the chance they’ll find it again.

I didn’t write in another journal til I was about 19 years old. After my husband and I began dating I was overwhelmed with emotions and kept falling deeper in a hole. I finally gave in and began writing again. This time I had my own room and more hiding places. Thus a decade of writing began. My life from 19 years old til now. My dreams, fears, moments in time that I had long forgotten, and snippets of moments whether it be good or bad. It’s weird looking back at 19 year old me. How much I’ve grown and how she, the past me, doesn’t know what’s to come and when it does gel she managed it. There’s happy, sad, success and despair at every turn. Times where I shook my head from how naive and lost I was.

Journaling gives me a release. Once I moved in with my husband. I wrote freely and whenever I wanted. It gives me a chance to relive moments again and compare to the person I was. The growth and experiences on paper shaping me to the present. This is probably why I took to blogging as well. A different approach of journaling to an audience about my experiences and share about my journey.

At times I feel alone in my journal journey. Quite frankly I’m yet to meet someone who has saved their journals/diaries through the years as I did. I’ve also bought new journals for future writing. Tried different pens for writing.

Thus far I enjoy the lined smaller journals like this journal on Amazon. It’s small, cute and sturdy. Easy to store in a drawer and a built in book mark so you don’t lose where you’re at. I also bought these cute Cat pens a couple of years ago that I still use for anything. If you like thin tip pens (.38mm) these are for you!

Don’t like thin pens or feel like you always can’t find a pen? I bought this 144 count Bic Pens and I do like them since it’s smooth and just the right size tip (1mm). I took it to work for office use and left a few at home for back up. Ones that I have on my wish list to try are these Cute pink pens and it has a pink highlighter as well! Definitely love the aesthetic and the clip designs. If you’re a planner like me or need to write things down to organize yourself better there’s this adorable Sakura planner that I love! It’s undated so you can get this and wait til 2023 if you want to date, add and customize it to your liking.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of insight into my life. Writing has always been a part of me. I hope to continue but in the form of fiction stories. Do you enjoy writing? Journaling? Kept a diary at some point? Comment below. As always, stay sweet, everyone.

**Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate/Affiliate this blog earns commission from links used above to make purchases.**

Dream Journal, Hobbies, Life, Stories

Dream Stories: To Write or Not

Everlasting Sirua

I’ve been dreaming things up in my imagination for a while now. My earliest dreams were pretty dark considering the amount of scary movies I’d seen or imagined up myself in the dark before falling asleep. I was definitely one of those kids with the nightmares almost constantly every night. Except I never grew out of them til I was in a safer place. Surrounded by 3 cats and a family. Suddenly, these dreams weren’t so scary.

Not all or every dream were horror nightmares. Some were about my life or a different perspective or timeline of my current life. Many things that are unexplained or shown to me out of spiritual connections. However, some were actually a good plot to stories. I still recall them in a fair amount of detail. At times I wonder if I could write it all out. Publish and have people read to see if they’ll enjoy it. Fear and time have stopped me thus far. Will I ever be ready for this?

Maybe with a little bit of time and once I graduate school I’ll have some time to open up my laptop and type what on my mind. Starting is drag but finishing might be enlightening.

Random blog I felt like writing. Lately I’ve been tired and dealing with slight health issues, nothing crazy. Could be lack of sleep and rest. I’ll be back soon with updates and more tarot. Stay sweet everyone!

Hobbies, Life, Tarot/Card Readings

Tarot Tuesday: September Theme

Everlasting Sirua

First tarot Tuesday of the month for September! I am excited for the weather to cool down. Fall weather is probably my favorite season of all time. It’s time to break out the hoodies and get comfortable. No more AC running and the kids seem more comfortable being in cooler weather.

For this tarot Tuesday I’m focusing on a theme for the month. What should I pay attention to this month? What should I be doing this month to help me further myself? The answer…

Four of Swords

This card brings forth rest, relaxation, and peace. After the chaos there’s a moment for rest. To understand my priorities and re-evaluate my next steps to come.

A wonderful time to bring this up. This month usually brings me peace, not only with the weather but anniversaries coming for my husband and I. We have a family vacation this month, our son returns to school, and overall it’s when we start to feel that end of the year feeling right before the holidays. I love all the holidays and plan to make it special for the boys. Comment below with your favorite holiday and why. Stay sweet everyone!

So thankful to be in a place of being told to settle down and rest. It’s been a constant state of stress for me but it’s time to bring it all down and look out for myself. School term has started for me as well and I’m slowly trying to keep up with the work. But I also want to invest some time into write a book for Amazon if that’s even possible. Seems like time escapes me and there’s not enough hours in the day. Organization first and hobbies later!