Here are my social links to connect with me! Will have this above where anyone and everyone can press at all times
There’s not much a story behind on the name other than what it means to me. A lot of my tags and social media are Siruax15 and I’ve gotten used to the name when being to referred to as so online. I almost find it to be an entity when I play online games or introduce myself online as more time passes. I’ve started to accept that the name I came up with has really become a part of me. I might need to drop the X one day since people confuse it for the name. I did it to separate the 15 from the name. Guess you can say I’ve marketed the name for myself due to its anonymity it gives me and what it means to me entirely.
Now the meaning:
S is first letter of my name and thus every letter is the name of my family’s name. S is mine, I for husband, R and U for my late daughter and son, A for my son. Second son’s name is an S so its included and perfect to me. Although the name is used as a reference towards me. It’s also a reminder that behind this facade is not only me. It’s all the titles that comes with being Sirua. Mother, Wife, Gamer and much more. Anyone out there have a name they made or been stuck with for some reason?
Yay on 50 blog posts on here!
Short blog today. Lack of sleep gets me most days besides being busy. I will update and pin my social media links if anyone wants to contact me. Stay sweet everyone!
It’s difficult when you’ve experienced loss of pregnancy. Every pregnancy after you’re stuck in a limbo of what ifs and worry for any news that’ll shake your wold. Every appointment you wonder if the doctors will tell you something a parent never wants to hear. It takes away some but not all of those little joys of being pregnant. The excitement of an ultrasound replaced by anxiety right before. It feels like you’re holding your breath and waiting until they’re in your arms. Even after a successful pregnancy. I still had those nerves being pregnant a fourth time.
Time went by quicker this time. I almost didn’t want the day to come from how unready I felt. Then I remembered that nothing prepares you 100 percent for motherhood. Whether it be the first time you’re becoming a mother or anytime after that. A toddler and a newborn? It was going to be surreal.
Now, that we have our second earth-side son here. I forget how small newborns are. How cuddly they can be all curled up in your chest and you don’t want to move cause you want the moment to last forever. To be their safe place a little while longer before they cry for a feeding or a change. I wasn’t sure how I would feel after having our first earth-side son for over 2 years. I was worried that I would feel too overwhelmed and have mixed emotions. It’s amazing what emotions will do. I honestly felt myself grow. Your heart and soul expands. It’s as if the world around you becomes bigger with love to welcome another child into your life. The pieces fall into place and soon it’s almost as if they were meant to be.
As of now I’m 2 weeks postpartum and to be honest this time around feels a bit easier with the jitters. I know as the weeks go by there will be easy days as there will be difficult days. Especially, once my husband returns to work from family leave. For now I want to soak up these moments while I heal. I’ll share my labor story and raw postpartum with time. I still have days where it feels surreal that I have two kids with me now. Somehow it feels so right and almost impossible based on what we went through. But, I think it was meant to be.
I needed a moment to myself. Balancing work, social, love and being a mother in life. It became a cycle that I eventually forgot to blog, write in my journal and dare I say? I stopped playing video games all together. I miss it some days. Other days I rather snuggle up to my son and husband to watch the Grinch (for the 3rd time that day)
Sometimes our conversation mingle between how we’ve been feeling with things in life lately. I’ll be honest it’s been overwhelming. I’ve always been such an over-thinker when it comes to anything. I can lay still at night while my mind rummages through the day about things.
Did I play with our son enough? Did he eat enough? Did I have enough patience today? Are the cats happy? The coffee I didn’t get to prepare for my husband…will he resent me? Did I finish that task at work or this task? That bag of laundry should be done by this week or should I go do groceries? Maybe if I had more energy or planned it out better.
There’s always doubt. There’s always something I could of done better. I recently been attempting to prepare for the future. Forgive the past and accept the present. It’s not easy. It’s a struggle every single day for someone who tends to plan and stress when plans aren’t executed on time. But I’m trying and I think that’s good enough for me.
Featured image is a succulent from my collection called Echeveria Sang A.
Skin care is important especially for someone like me. Before I had dull, dry skin. Although, my skin is now combo skin, no skincare meant my skin was dehydrated at all times. So I did what anyone else does now. Research. I researched how to start a day/night skin care regimen. I bought different things recommended for my skin. Over a month ago I didn’t even know there’s a difference between serum and essence. I didn’t know toner was actually one of many necessary steps. This is one of my favorite steps ever since the sun came out to play.
Found this gem on amazon with high reviews and affordability why not? It has a heavenly rose scent and it’s alcohol free. It’s hydrating and soothing for my skin. You can put it in the fridge and it helps reduce puffiness while also giving you a cool refresh when needed. This heat doesn’t play. I’m one of those “I hate the heat” type. Spring and fall are my actual favorite seasons. Hoodie weather FTW!
Here’s the link if anyone’s interested in purchasing this lovey toner: Thayers Alcohol-Free Rose Petal Toner
*As an Amazon associate. I do earn commission from qualifying purchases with the links provided above*
More skin care products that I’ve been using the past 1-2 months coming soon. Comment below if you have a skin care routine you love and what’s been the best products for you thus far.
“the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self”- Enouement
I came across this word soon after losing my daughter in 2016. The grief was raw. I still had this numb feeling. Every day waking up I felt as if my body was heavy. It’s truly insane how attached emotions can be to our physical selves. So when I came across this word and looked it up. I, of course, went through so many what if scenarios. My thoughts that were jumbled into this odd ball of grief. Sadness. Anger. Slowly unraveled. I felt sad for the me before the loss. I felt so horrified that she was going to go through one of the most heartbreaking things as a new mother to be. Not just once but twice. She doesn’t know that she will get through it. That eventually there’s a beautiful happy son who’s going to fill her life with happiness and although he makes her long for his siblings. She will be happy. She will be content.
hat girl from before didn’t know she would find her true love one day. One that would understand her full and whole. That she didn’t need to try to be someone she wasn’t. Or figure out her life so much. That she didn’t have to cry at night from being lonely at all. He would eventually come and take a hold of her. Wrap his arms around her and tell her she wouldn’t have to worry. That he would love her till his last breath
I’m sure everyone goes through this at some point. Whether it be a rough patch, a tragic loss, a problem that needed to be solved. You look back and you almost feel bad that you had to go through that to be the person you are right now. Honestly, if I could have a moment with my past self I would hug her. Tell her that it will be okay one day 💗
Anyone else have had moments like this?