Life, motherhood, mental health

Middle of the Week Burnout: Motherhood

When you become a parent. You have these worries that never leave you. From the moment you’re pregnant. All the what ifs, the dos and don’ts. Then, your little one comes into this world. They’re in your arms and the worry has now escalated. You’re responsible to raise a tiny person into a world full of obstacles. You want them to be better than you ever were. You start to thing it’ll be everything you ever imagine…til it’s not.

Everyone’s situation is unique from parenting differently to raising our little ones that have different personalities and struggles. You struggle inside with the exhaustion, the constant am I good enough, and the guilt of everything you probably did wrong that day. You’re touched out, overstimulated, doing the things you had promised you’d never do. Well, that’s just it. Parenthood, a whirl wind.

For me, weekends come along where I’m off from work and I’m busy figuring out how to entertain my older son with autism. He’s obsessed with his iPad and few toys keep him entertained. He likes all the messy things. Slime, paint, markers and playing with water. Winters in NY are long so we set up the little trampoline to tire him out. Our youngest attempts to do all the things brother does and though his curiosity is lovely it ends up with us wrestling him to stop climbing everywhere to touch everything. Nice things? Probably won’t last long with those little fingers. I can’t tell you all how many charging cables we’ve gone through in the past year alone.

Monday comes along and school comes along for my older son. I’m grateful since he loves it and goes without a hitch to some wonderful people. Five hours doesn’t seem enough. Between cleaning, studying, working, chasing a 2 year old or running errands. My whole day is a blur and school is over.

Wednesdays is when exhaustion sets in. The burnout and relief. Husband is off that night and the next day. Although my most productive days. They’re also when I’ve reached peak lack of patience. I spend most of it recovering from the weekend. The laundry piling. The toys that are always out the disheveled mind and house. I lose myself in it all.

Are there good days? Yes. That’s why I focus on having some self care. To remember that I matter. That I do love my boys and watching them grow up together and that they’re loved, cared for and counting on us to be there and watching their dad play and be silly with them are moments I recall the most. How lucky they are to have my parents and watch their faces light up when they see their grandkids. It’s wonderful.

But burnouts happen. You feel less than yourself and it’s okay. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Take a moment for yourself. This isn’t perfect journey. You’re learning just as much as they are. A little grace goes a long way. Haven’t you earned yourself that?

Parenthood is hard. Motherhood can be lonely and hopeless at times. Other times it’s about the love, giggles and smiles. Or holding their small hands in yours and wondering how long will this last. But, everyday you wake up and you do it all over again.


Hobbies, Life, Tarot/Card Readings

Tarot Tuesday: Keep Trusting the Process

It’s strange how life will continue to give you signs to keep going and to trust yourself and the process. January has ended. February is here. Time keeps going on. I reshuffled my tarot deck after a while of feeling away from it all.

A familiar card appears and I can’t help but feel relieved. The seven of coins as I mentioned in a previous post. Speaks to a journey you’re on. You’ve put in the work and the rewards are coming. The journey is not done but it’s coming along. There’s always a moment where my trust wavers slightly. It’s tiring to keep going and feeling as if there’s no end. But, I won’t give up now. Hopefully my readers won’t either. Stay sweet everyone and enjoy your Tuesday.

Hobbies, Life

Goals for 2023: Implementing and Progress

Lately I’m so caught up with writing and life. Honestly, I enjoy writing and always eager to find time to update and tweak the drafts currently being released.

I’m also excited to discover anchor.fm through WordPress. Podcasts for blogs? So cool! I released my first episode as a test run. I’m debating whether to take the time to read it myself and mess with a voice changer to enhance the reading experience. It’s going to take time and might have to adjust myself to do so if it’s better for my readers.

The tarot readings have slowed thus far but I’m confident there’s a lot I want to sense and know from the universe. Peering into myself and being motivated is part of my self care. My weight loss journey has stalled but I do plan to update you all on how I plan to reset and continue my progress.

I recently mentioned to someone how sometimes my emotions are like the ocean. Some days the waters is clear and serene. But there’s days it’s dark and ruthless. Others, a storm that I do my best to weather. However, I am always hopeful that I’ll be alright.

I’ve been taking some time to also read and inspire myself into writing more of the story. Studying as much as I can to finish school. Already halfway through the term. I’m excited to graduate and see what life’s opportunities has in store. To take a break from school so I can find my love for gaming and socializing more again. Maybe get ahead in writing Taken into the Stars. In few months time we will see. My goal is to eventually publish it.

As always. Stay sweet everyone. May life ease your path. Check out the latest update in my series Taken into the Stars Return or if you haven’t started it. Give it a read here: Taken into tha Stars Intro and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Affiliate Links, Hobbies, Life, Product Review, Tarot/Card Readings

Tarot Tuesday: New Years

Been a while since I’ve done a tarot Tuesday. How about starting the new year with a spread?

I found this New Years spread here at: https://vanessairena.com/a-simple-new-year-tarot-spread/

In order from 1 to 4:

  • Seven of Swords
  • Pillar (AKA Empress)
  • Seven of Wands
  • Strength

What Am I Releasing:

Seven of Swords speaks to deception, enemies, manipulation. Personally speaking, that’s what I’ve been trying to let go for a long time. Having people who are willing to lie, disturb your peace, and cause you harm should have little to no space in your life. Easier said than done.

What I Learned

The Pillar (Empress) comes about when you’re nurturing. Whether it be an actual person or a project. It brings nurturing, love and pleasure into one. It also talks about self love and care, a time of growth. All of which I spend the last year learning and devoting myself to. This year is no different. I will continue to strive for what works for me.

What am I Cultivating

Seven of Wands says I’m cultivating protectiveness and boundaries. I’m clearing negativity that’s either been or is present. A new year brings about reflection. It’s okay to want to protect the energy you’ve built.

What Are My Tools

The tool in my arsenal: Strength with the meaning of resilience and determination. Challenges may come but if facing it with compassion and using internal will. I’ll combat these challenges and learn from the experience.


I’m satisfied with this spread’s revelation since it felt familiar and spoke to my truths in the past year and what’s to come. I’m determined to continue maintaining our peace, happiness and success through this year. And hope 2023 brings the same to my readers. I find that writing out plans, goals and organizing my time definitely helps. Whether this be a physical book or simply adding to your Google calendar. Even as an entrepreneur or worker, it’s essential to remember important dates or meetings. The cute planner above I’ve been using as of recently. You can start at any time since it’s a fill in planner, with completely blank sheets for you to use. I love the adorable Sakura design! You can find this planner here: Cherry Blossom Planner

But if you like something more simple, unique or professional here’s some popular ones:


**Disclaimer** As an Amazon associate this blog earns commission for purchases made with links on this post. Thank you for reading!

Life

Time Management: Work in Progress

My schedule has become more hectic as I enter the last phases of college, meeting demands at work and demands in life. Between a teething toddler, kindergarten applications for our special needs child, holidays and all. It seems as though there’s no time to stop and think. I’m in a constant go state of mind and quite frankly I can tell I might come crashing down in any second.

Thankfully a two-week break is coming. But before then, I want self-care. I need a nap and some me time. It’s what’s keeping me sane for the moment. When it comes to time management it’s difficult overall. Life has a set of categories when it comes to what will be done for the day. In my case, work/school/home/social/self care. Of course there’s sub categories but for now let’s keep it simple.

Everyday, I make the decision of how much time to put into each category. Do I divide them evenly? Do I have time for each one? What do I do if one suffers? Well, that usually ends in a “save for tomorrow” mindset. I’ve found that looking at my week and based on everyone else’s schedule and preference I can set a time to spend for each thing. Pre planning can help me mentally prepare for what’s to come. And have less stress on myself than usual. But we all know plans can shift quickly thus I adapt or tend to have a back up plan.

It’s not perfect and I’m still working on it. There’s still so much more things that I enjoy that I wish I had more time for. Gaming, writing, shows, reading and the gym. During my breaks I like doing a bit of everything more. But slowly I’ve been shying away from socializing the way I used to since my focuses have shifted. Priorities change and a category will suffer whether we like it or not. Just know it’s human and it’ll pass eventually.

Affiliate Links, Dream Journal, Hobbies, Life

Journaling: A Decade of Life

When I was first introduced to the concept of a diary I was about maybe 7 years old. Putting my feelings and events onto paper as a way to recall moments in my life. The concept was sort of odd to me but I loved writing and took to it right away. At first I’d write about my day, video games I played, and books I liked. Eventually, once I had my first crush (who’s now my husband) I’d include him in there too. I even recall my last entry before it was lost or thrown once I moved away. “If there’s such thing as love. I hope it’ll be my crush.” An 8 year old manifesting her destiny. Now, twenty years later. Here we are.

I continued to journal after that. I started another journal at 11 and wrote in it until I was 13. I even kept a different journal that my best friends or friends in middle school would pass notes on. No secrets. Mostly asking about each others day and things people already knew about us. But my journaling at home came to a halt once I realized my parents and aunt were reading it. Which violated any trust I had left of them. I was devastated and felt exposed. Turmoil even set in since I didn’t have anywhere to put my thoughts, vent and write freely since I knew I was running the chance they’ll find it again.

I didn’t write in another journal til I was about 19 years old. After my husband and I began dating I was overwhelmed with emotions and kept falling deeper in a hole. I finally gave in and began writing again. This time I had my own room and more hiding places. Thus a decade of writing began. My life from 19 years old til now. My dreams, fears, moments in time that I had long forgotten, and snippets of moments whether it be good or bad. It’s weird looking back at 19 year old me. How much I’ve grown and how she, the past me, doesn’t know what’s to come and when it does gel she managed it. There’s happy, sad, success and despair at every turn. Times where I shook my head from how naive and lost I was.

Journaling gives me a release. Once I moved in with my husband. I wrote freely and whenever I wanted. It gives me a chance to relive moments again and compare to the person I was. The growth and experiences on paper shaping me to the present. This is probably why I took to blogging as well. A different approach of journaling to an audience about my experiences and share about my journey.

At times I feel alone in my journal journey. Quite frankly I’m yet to meet someone who has saved their journals/diaries through the years as I did. I’ve also bought new journals for future writing. Tried different pens for writing.

Thus far I enjoy the lined smaller journals like this journal on Amazon. It’s small, cute and sturdy. Easy to store in a drawer and a built in book mark so you don’t lose where you’re at. I also bought these cute Cat pens a couple of years ago that I still use for anything. If you like thin tip pens (.38mm) these are for you!

Don’t like thin pens or feel like you always can’t find a pen? I bought this 144 count Bic Pens and I do like them since it’s smooth and just the right size tip (1mm). I took it to work for office use and left a few at home for back up. Ones that I have on my wish list to try are these Cute pink pens and it has a pink highlighter as well! Definitely love the aesthetic and the clip designs. If you’re a planner like me or need to write things down to organize yourself better there’s this adorable Sakura planner that I love! It’s undated so you can get this and wait til 2023 if you want to date, add and customize it to your liking.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of insight into my life. Writing has always been a part of me. I hope to continue but in the form of fiction stories. Do you enjoy writing? Journaling? Kept a diary at some point? Comment below. As always, stay sweet, everyone.


**Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate/Affiliate this blog earns commission from links used above to make purchases.**

Life

Playing Catch Up: Give Yourself Grace

It’s surprising how behind you can get when you have a week off.

Recently we went on a family cruise and we had a lot of fun. Granted that traveling with kids can be stressful in itself. Especially with a 4 and 1 year old who still don’t understand waiting in line. However, we all enjoyed the uninterrupted family time. So much so that I hardly could focus on school assignments. Thus, I was a week behind and struggling to keep up.

Sometimes I find myself in a limbo of how to study at home. But the distractions and sounds of my boys plus husband talking to them keeps me from actually focusing. Being home is where I’m comfortable and easily distracted. Eventually, I decided to go back to sitting at Starbucks for a coffee and 2-3 hour sessions of studying and catching up. I did this about 4 times in the last 2 weeks of the term before completing and catching up with about 90 percent of what was left for me to submit.

I’m always thankful for my husband in these times where I need him most. He understands that for me to succeed as a student I might need to put distance between the house and me. Once I’m seated with a a drink in my reach, do not disturb on, and music in my ears. I’m able to hyper focus and complete what I can. Hours will pass before I realize it’s already time to go home. I breathed a sigh of relief and the stress melts away. Everyday being closer to graduation makes me more and more excited.

So if you’re a student or someone in need of getting away. Whether it be to study or simply reading a good book. I understand completely. Sometimes home can be distracting and it’s okay to leave to get away to focus on yourself. It’s part of self care and it’s okay to want a break even if it’s for a moment. An hour or more a week. Give yourself grace. Cause you’re important too.

Drink above is Starbucks Iced Apple Crisp Oatmilk Macchiato

Affiliate Links, Life, Product Review, Skin Care Beauty

When Self Care becomes Priority…

I started this blog as my journey for self love and self care. I try to make it my forefront in everything I do. I try to take care of myself. Somewhere along the way I began to ignore my skincare. Granted it can be time consuming. But I’ve accepted that some days I don’t need to do the full regimen and make it short as needed.

Recently, I had to go to the dermatologist. Ever since 2016 my skin began to break out in this itchy, flaky and red blotches. It would happen if I was stressed, not sleeping enough, or anything that brought me out of balance or disturbed my peace. This caused discoloration on my skin. This issue was from scalp to face. 6 years later and I final fl decided enough was enough. Yes at some point it was very controlled but other times it wouldn’t be.

I am now diagnosed with seborrhoeic dermatitis. She advised me to used medicated shampoos and to try my skin care regimen again. Essentially the way to control my symptoms is to self care and use medicated products. I’m not a fan of washing my hair every single day. But, I find that being in the shower for a few minutes and massaging my scalp is relaxing. Those 10-20 minutes are heavenly and it reminds me to take care of myself. Moisturize and start my skin care right away. It’s been a few days and I’ve seen a complete change in my overall skin and hair. I’m still thinking about whether or not to cut it since shorter hair would be easier to manage and wash. But I miss having color in my hair so perhaps some rose gold highlights or any added pink color would be amazing.

The product I’m using for my seb-derm (that’s what I call it now) is Head and Shoulders Clinical it has this citrus scent that I love and lathers up pretty well to get into the scalp leaving it refreshed and clean. I work this into my hair, around my ears, and even carefully into my eyebrows (yes I get it here too!). Some conditioner and I’m done with my hair. After getting comfortable I start my skin care regimen which I’ll talk about and update in another post with all the steps and products I use. My skin has cleared up and no flakes so far. I have to be diligent and do this at least every day or every other day. Or else I start to feel my skin flaking all over again. It’s amazing what self care can do and prevent in cases like this. I’m sure I’ll have my bad days or week. But I need to remember this is for me and my physical health. I’m on this journey for myself. A healthier me and to share this with others struggling too.

What about you all? Any struggling skin condition that consume your time? Or any self care tips/tricks/products that have helped you? Comment below and let me know.

As always. Thanks for reading. Stay sweet everyone!


As an Amazon associate, this blog earns commission from associate links clicked and purchased above.

Dream Journal, Hobbies, Life, Stories

Dream Stories: To Write or Not

I’ve been dreaming things up in my imagination for a while now. My earliest dreams were pretty dark considering the amount of scary movies I’d seen or imagined up myself in the dark before falling asleep. I was definitely one of those kids with the nightmares almost constantly every night. Except I never grew out of them til I was in a safer place. Surrounded by 3 cats and a family. Suddenly, these dreams weren’t so scary.

Not all or every dream were horror nightmares. Some were about my life or a different perspective or timeline of my current life. Many things that are unexplained or shown to me out of spiritual connections. However, some were actually a good plot to stories. I still recall them in a fair amount of detail. At times I wonder if I could write it all out. Publish and have people read to see if they’ll enjoy it. Fear and time have stopped me thus far. Will I ever be ready for this?

Maybe with a little bit of time and once I graduate school I’ll have some time to open up my laptop and type what on my mind. Starting is drag but finishing might be enlightening.


Random blog I felt like writing. Lately I’ve been tired and dealing with slight health issues, nothing crazy. Could be lack of sleep and rest. I’ll be back soon with updates and more tarot. Stay sweet everyone!

Hobbies, Shedding my Weight, weight loss

Fitness Journey Begins: 10 Weeks Post Op Weight Loss

The weeks fly by and I continue to find myself more comfortable with my decision of weight loss surgery. Do I miss eating a good amount of food? Yes. Do I still crave junk food? Sure I do. I’m still an Oreo gal every time my period comes up. But I manage to eat one cookie with some milk to curb that sweet tooth. I’m still drinking my protein since it’s the most convenient breakfast and focusing on a high protein and low carb diet.

Since I was given the okay to workout again. I don’t feel there’s much limits at all since I have to build my stamina and strength. It’s a slow progress I hope to achieve in the next few months. Excitedly I signed up for LA fitness along with my husband. I plan to have gym partners and bring family to motivate me. My main reason? The pool since I love swimming and being in the water. Working out alongside my husband and I’m happy they have a kids club for our younger son to stay and socialize. As a parent it’s always hard to find someone to watch the kids while you try to get something done. Sometimes it’s near impossible. More gyms should have a kids club environment for parents to work out since at times it’s our me time to get ourselves out of a stressful headspace.

Since the surgery I have lost 28 pounds. At my highest weight I’ve lost 36 pounds. It’s amazing how weight can impact a lot since the energy and motivation I have is wonderful. The numbers may not seem as much but comparatively I’ve lost as much as all 3 of my cats put together or the weight of a small child. Where was it hiding? I am not sure. The body is a funny place.

I am excited to share this journey with you all as I progress every week or month. I hope to motivate others and share my experience as honestly as I can. More updates soon!