Personally I love cooking meaty lasagna. It’s the easier thing for me to cook that lasts 2-3 days in my home. With our air fryer oven we can heat up left overs and it’ll be almost good as new! What do you all love to cook?
When you become a parent. You have these worries that never leave you. From the moment you’re pregnant. All the what ifs, the dos and don’ts. Then, your little one comes into this world. They’re in your arms and the worry has now escalated. You’re responsible to raise a tiny person into a world full of obstacles. You want them to be better than you ever were. You start to thing it’ll be everything you ever imagine…til it’s not.
Everyone’s situation is unique from parenting differently to raising our little ones that have different personalities and struggles. You struggle inside with the exhaustion, the constant am I good enough, and the guilt of everything you probably did wrong that day. You’re touched out, overstimulated, doing the things you had promised you’d never do. Well, that’s just it. Parenthood, a whirl wind.
For me, weekends come along where I’m off from work and I’m busy figuring out how to entertain my older son with autism. He’s obsessed with his iPad and few toys keep him entertained. He likes all the messy things. Slime, paint, markers and playing with water. Winters in NY are long so we set up the little trampoline to tire him out. Our youngest attempts to do all the things brother does and though his curiosity is lovely it ends up with us wrestling him to stop climbing everywhere to touch everything. Nice things? Probably won’t last long with those little fingers. I can’t tell you all how many charging cables we’ve gone through in the past year alone.
Monday comes along and school comes along for my older son. I’m grateful since he loves it and goes without a hitch to some wonderful people. Five hours doesn’t seem enough. Between cleaning, studying, working, chasing a 2 year old or running errands. My whole day is a blur and school is over.
Wednesdays is when exhaustion sets in. The burnout and relief. Husband is off that night and the next day. Although my most productive days. They’re also when I’ve reached peak lack of patience. I spend most of it recovering from the weekend. The laundry piling. The toys that are always out the disheveled mind and house. I lose myself in it all.
Are there good days? Yes. That’s why I focus on having some self care. To remember that I matter. That I do love my boys and watching them grow up together and that they’re loved, cared for and counting on us to be there and watching their dad play and be silly with them are moments I recall the most. How lucky they are to have my parents and watch their faces light up when they see their grandkids. It’s wonderful.
But burnouts happen. You feel less than yourself and it’s okay. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Take a moment for yourself. This isn’t perfect journey. You’re learning just as much as they are. A little grace goes a long way. Haven’t you earned yourself that?
Parenthood is hard. Motherhood can be lonely and hopeless at times. Other times it’s about the love, giggles and smiles. Or holding their small hands in yours and wondering how long will this last. But, everyday you wake up and you do it all over again.
It’s strange how life will continue to give you signs to keep going and to trust yourself and the process. January has ended. February is here. Time keeps going on. I reshuffled my tarot deck after a while of feeling away from it all.
A familiar card appears and I can’t help but feel relieved. The seven of coins as I mentioned in a previous post. Speaks to a journey you’re on. You’ve put in the work and the rewards are coming. The journey is not done but it’s coming along. There’s always a moment where my trust wavers slightly. It’s tiring to keep going and feeling as if there’s no end. But, I won’t give up now. Hopefully my readers won’t either. Stay sweet everyone and enjoy your Tuesday.
I enjoy connecting with like-minded people.
Lately I’m so caught up with writing and life. Honestly, I enjoy writing and always eager to find time to update and tweak the drafts currently being released.
I’m also excited to discover anchor.fm through WordPress. Podcasts for blogs? So cool! I released my first episode as a test run. I’m debating whether to take the time to read it myself and mess with a voice changer to enhance the reading experience. It’s going to take time and might have to adjust myself to do so if it’s better for my readers.
The tarot readings have slowed thus far but I’m confident there’s a lot I want to sense and know from the universe. Peering into myself and being motivated is part of my self care. My weight loss journey has stalled but I do plan to update you all on how I plan to reset and continue my progress.
I recently mentioned to someone how sometimes my emotions are like the ocean. Some days the waters is clear and serene. But there’s days it’s dark and ruthless. Others, a storm that I do my best to weather. However, I am always hopeful that I’ll be alright.
I’ve been taking some time to also read and inspire myself into writing more of the story. Studying as much as I can to finish school. Already halfway through the term. I’m excited to graduate and see what life’s opportunities has in store. To take a break from school so I can find my love for gaming and socializing more again. Maybe get ahead in writing Taken into the Stars. In few months time we will see. My goal is to eventually publish it.
As always. Stay sweet everyone. May life ease your path. Check out the latest update in my series Taken into the Stars Return or if you haven’t started it. Give it a read here: Taken into tha Stars Intro and let me know what you think. Enjoy!
I waited for him to get off the bus and make his way down the train station and into a cart. I rushed in, and we stood at opposite ends of the cart. As the cart emptied, I sat down, and so did he. Eventually, the cart was empty. I gripped my backpack and willed myself not to walk over to him. I’ll make sure he goes home and worry about the rest later.
A man got into the cart; I could smell he was drunk. He sat across from me, and when I looked up at him, I could see his smile spreading across his face. “You’re pretty….” My stomach churned, and I could feel power pulsing with every heartbeat. Why now…
He started to stumble towards me when someone blocked my view. “Back off…” I was suddenly staring at Conrad’s back. I felt my throat dry as the drunk guy spoke, “I…I’m saying hi to the girl, man.” Conrad stood there firm, “Go screw off somewhere else.” The drunk guy pushed Dean back and went off to the side. Conrad barely flinched. The guy went into his coat jacket and pulled out a knife. He launched himself at Conrad, and I could smell blood. Conrad managed to get the knife away and snapped the guy’s wrist. He went down on his knees with his hand pressed to his side. Power surged through me, and I threw my hand out.
The man was knocked backward and slid across the cart. The lights flickered in the train cart, and I went to Conrad. He was still kneeling and covering his side. I scrambled my vocal cords to hide my authentic voice and gently said, “I think you need to see a doctor…” He shook his head. “I have a raging headache, and I feel dizzy. I need to go home and rest.” I didn’t notice my hood slipped off; our eyes met. His face was confused as he held his shocked gaze on me. For a moment, I could feel warmth, hope, and confusion all at once. It came like waves. Then despair ravaged him as he slowly said, “Sorry, you almost looked like someone I used to know….”
When his stop came, he gathered his things and walked off the train cart. The drunk guy was knocked out sleeping. He will likely wake up and harass someone else or have a hangover; quite frankly, he’s lucky only to have his wrist broken. So I followed Conrad off the train.
“Hey, let me ensure you get home safe if you pass out or need medical help; I will be there and want to ensure you’re all right.” He sucked his teeth. “I don’t need your help…I live nearby.” His voice was always husky and deep, even sultry when he spoke affectionately to me, but now it had a rasp that I didn’t recognize, an edge of sadness and rage. We walked in silence as we approached the house. He never moved away and still rented in the house we lived in. I walked with him to the door. He searched for his keys and started opening the door, then stopped. “You can come in. Seeing as though you have nothing better to do than walk a stranger to the door.” I smirked. “Don’t worry. I can protect myself”.
Everything was bare for the most part. He had upgraded some tech here and there. The tv, probably a new console, and he bought a pc, finally. He closed the door behind me. I heard a meow, and our cat, Bruce, came out from the depths of who knows where. I felt my heart swell. The little black kitten was gone; now, here was a handsome black cat with piercing yellow eyes.
Bruce stopped and gazed at me. His body was tense, and his fur was lifting away from his body as Conrad walked past him. Bruce cautiously smelled me, his coat relaxed, and he instantly started rubbing against me. His meows echoed throughout the place. I missed him so much. I crouched down to pet him, and he headbutted my face as I lifted him into my arms, giggling. I could feel eyes on me. I looked at Conrad, who was staring at us intensely. “Is he hungry?” I asked. Conrad snapped out of it. “Yeah, let me just…” He took a couple of steps before his voice trailed off, and he wobbled. He was panting and grimacing, “Hey…come sit down. I’ll feed him. You need rest.” I took his hand, and he flinched. I sat him on the couch. I quickly found everything for Bruce and fed him. I walked over to Conrad, whose eyes were closed. “Let me check your wound; keep your eyes closed, okay?” He nodded. I softly touched his forehead and sent him to sleep for a bit. I lifted his blood-soaked shirt. The wound was still leaking blood. I grazed my hand over his injury; it was more profound than he would let on, but no vitals were hit. I hummed, and warmth poured into my hand. Slowly the wound closed, and the bleeding subsided.
I rose to my feet and walked around the place. Had he hidden our photos? Did he ever move on? There wasn’t a sight of anyone else living here besides him and Bruce. I felt both relieved and anguished for him. If he never moved on, it meant he suffered this whole time and my family…mom, dad, and twin brother Kieran. This was going to be insufferable. I felt Bruce climb up my back to my shoulders. He was nuzzling my cheek. “Hello there. Did you keep him company this whole time? I knew you’d be amazing.” He meowed happily as I continued my rounds in the place.
Conrad gasped and suddenly sat up, gripping the couch. His eyes looked down to where his wound used to be, and confusion set in. “What?” I could sense his anxiety building. “It doesn’t hurt. Where did it go?” He looked up at me and stared. He had been working out, from what I could tell. His muscles flexed with every movement. His dark hair was longer now. We didn’t say anything for a while, then I asked, “Coffee?” and I was off to prepare him coffee. I pretended to look for the items, although I knew exactly where everything was. I felt his presence as I saw him leaning against the kitchen entryway. For a moment, he only followed my movements. Then he slowly said, “You know…it’s funny. You seem familiar. It’s like seeing my dead girlfriend possess someone else and waltzing in here. Maybe I’m starting to see things.” I held my breath, I added sugar to his coffee and stirred. “The only girl I ever trusted was Kailani, yet I let you in here. I don’t even know your name. She might haunt me for it.”
I laughed. I could tell he couldn’t decide whether to chuckle at his joke or if I had lost my mind. “So, this whole time…you never let a girl in, all these years cause your alleged dead girlfriend might haunt you?” He shrugged. “You didn’t know her. There was something magical about her. Her intuition was deadly accurate, and she could read people like no other. Call it witchy instinct, but she had a beautiful soul.” I gazed at him; his face had this melancholy look. “She was everything. And it’s not alleged…She’s dead…it’s been four years. There’s no other reason…why she wouldn’t come back. Someone took her from me, her family, her life….” His voice wavered between despair and anger. “I’m crazy telling you this. I think you should go now…thanks for everything.” He was walking away, and his back turned, heading towards the door. I couldn’t let this keep going. He had suffered enough. Life wouldn’t be the same. But if there was anyone who could handle this eventually, it was him. So, I unmasked my voice and reverted to my default appearance.
His body froze at the sound of my voice. I could hear his heart beating. His breath quickened as he squeezed his hand around the doorknob; I could see his knuckles whitening, and he slowly turned around. His eyes widened. He was breathing quickly; blood drained from his face. He was hyperventilating. His raspy voice barely choked out painfully, “Kai… Lani?”
Hello! Thank you for reading the next part in my series Taken into the Stars! I’ve discovered that I could create podcasts featuring an audible read along with either my voice or the softwares used in something called Anchor. In the next few weeks I will try to attempt this and see how it works. I’m nervous and excited! As always. Stay sweet and reach out to me with feedback. Would love to hear what you all think of the series thus far!
I gasped and sat up. The sea breeze hit me, and I inhaled it. My eyes adjusted in the dark as I watched the waves lap the shore. I rose to brush the sand off my jeans and hoodie. A pink backpack with personal items and some cash was all I had on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what to expect. My family? Boyfriend? My twin brother Kieran? What will they say? This would be difficult, and cops would be called.
I gazed at the beach a bit longer. I pulled out a mirror and changed my hair to a soft rosy color. I didn’t want to be completely recognizable. I’ll change my voice if needed. I began to walk away from the beach and found my way into the woods. I followed with the moon still overhead. I could hear movements. People inside their homes from a distance. Closer and closer, I finally reached the city area. I was back in New York City—home on earth.
I didn’t rush as the sun rose, painting the sky with its orange and blue hues. I managed to reach the train station. The noises were overwhelming; with my heightened senses, it would take time to get used to. I breathed and tried to block everything out. I caught up to a train heading downtown. I could see the time; my boyfriend would take the train soon if he still worked the same job. I stood as I watched through the windows as the train stopped at each station. I was getting closer to the stop. Three stops…two stops… one stop…
I released a shaky breath. Panic was setting in. Maybe he moved? Stopped working? So much can happen in four years.
Ding. Doors closing.
“Excuse me…” My breath hitched at the familiar deep voice.
He sat across from me. I clenched the backpack against me, my hood up to conceal myself further. I peeked at him, he was in a dark hoodie with his leather jacket over it, and headphones were on. He had dark circles under his eyes and this far-off look. He almost looked broken…no hint of a smile, only emptiness. Even still, he was handsome, even with the severe look on his face; I could feel his sadness and loneliness. We rode for thirty minutes together. He got up, his stop approaching. Should I follow? I had no plan. I exited the train with him.
He followed his route to work with me on his heels. As he entered his job, I made my way to the library with a café; my heart was beating quickly as I sat down with my usual order, a java chip frappe. It hurt to see him so sad and alone. What if he had a life and the sadness was something else? Another girl in his life? Could I accept that…?
It felt weird being back here again. The library had changed a bit, and the drink tasted similar but better—memories creeping back to me of Conrad and I wandering in the manga and fiction section. I would find a book to get lost in as he sat next to me with his manga. Sometimes I would catch his gaze on me through the top part of his book. His cheek was resting against his hand, his smile subtle. “I know you’re looking at me, Conrad.” He’d avert his gaze and chuckle taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. “I can’t just look at you, love?”
“Not without a kiss, you can’t” He leaned in for a kiss on my forehead, then my lips. “Want the usual, and we share?” I nodded. I watched as he walked away. Gosh, he was perfect and so sweet. He looked back and smiled softly. I made a face at him, and it got a smirk out of him—that memory felt like forever ago.
It was almost time for him to get out. So, I quickly sipped up my drink and dropped it into the bin with a loud thud.
Thank you for reading! I’ve been thoroughly enjoying writing the series. I’m still trying to to debate whether to keep it tame or have adult content. Let me know if this would be of interest to anyone as my audience. I appreciate you all!
Been a while since I’ve done a tarot Tuesday. How about starting the new year with a spread?
I found this New Years spread here at: https://vanessairena.com/a-simple-new-year-tarot-spread/
In order from 1 to 4:
- Seven of Swords
- Pillar (AKA Empress)
- Seven of Wands
What Am I Releasing:
Seven of Swords speaks to deception, enemies, manipulation. Personally speaking, that’s what I’ve been trying to let go for a long time. Having people who are willing to lie, disturb your peace, and cause you harm should have little to no space in your life. Easier said than done.
What I Learned
The Pillar (Empress) comes about when you’re nurturing. Whether it be an actual person or a project. It brings nurturing, love and pleasure into one. It also talks about self love and care, a time of growth. All of which I spend the last year learning and devoting myself to. This year is no different. I will continue to strive for what works for me.
What am I Cultivating
Seven of Wands says I’m cultivating protectiveness and boundaries. I’m clearing negativity that’s either been or is present. A new year brings about reflection. It’s okay to want to protect the energy you’ve built.
What Are My Tools
The tool in my arsenal: Strength with the meaning of resilience and determination. Challenges may come but if facing it with compassion and using internal will. I’ll combat these challenges and learn from the experience.
I’m satisfied with this spread’s revelation since it felt familiar and spoke to my truths in the past year and what’s to come. I’m determined to continue maintaining our peace, happiness and success through this year. And hope 2023 brings the same to my readers. I find that writing out plans, goals and organizing my time definitely helps. Whether this be a physical book or simply adding to your Google calendar. Even as an entrepreneur or worker, it’s essential to remember important dates or meetings. The cute planner above I’ve been using as of recently. You can start at any time since it’s a fill in planner, with completely blank sheets for you to use. I love the adorable Sakura design! You can find this planner here: Cherry Blossom Planner
But if you like something more simple, unique or professional here’s some popular ones:
- Weekly and Monthly Planner
- 18 Month planner with mystic sun Design
- Clever Fox Planner with Habit tracking
- Mystical mermaid Planner
**Disclaimer** As an Amazon associate this blog earns commission for purchases made with links on this post. Thank you for reading!
I stared into my reflection. I was not the same person I was; I longed to go home. My appearance may have changed, but I was still me. Where my dark brown eyes once were, now a brighter maroon brown with flecks of pink stood. My hair used to be brown, almost black, and now it can have any chosen colors, glow or shine, a perk I gained in my transition. My skin was now flawless, almost translucent with pink undertones, and it would shimmer in bright lighting.
In the beginning, angry and afraid when I woke up after the transition was complete, I once unleashed my full power. My eyes had changed to a piercing silver blue, and my hair grew past the length of my body into an opal color with shimmers all over; it pulsed with every surge of power that came through me. The room fell silent…no one was able to move. An enchanted song from my vocal cords paralyzed them. A sound that can only be described as celestial. The experience was described as wonderous, and all those who could hear me would fix their gaze on me…waiting for their deaths. I remember only my screams and asking to go home. But overwhelmed with exhaustion. I fainted.
I didn’t feel I belonged on this planet, but did I belong on Earth? These people had chosen me due to a fate they couldn’t explain. They could sense the “special” humans. Everyone was kind, and things were peaceful here compared to my life on Earth. The view in this room was my favorite; I could sit here for hours and think about my future, past, and present. I missed my old life. I gazed into the pink skies where clouds would swirl, and when the stars came through, I rose with a deep exhale. My door slid open, and my guardian, Zuke, was waiting for me. He politely bowed while saying, “Ma’am, it’s time.” I nodded. “Thank you, Zuke.” He bowed down again and escorted me to the lab.
Before reaching the lab, I felt a presence nearing. I smirked. “I know you’re there.” Out from the corner emerged Fexor, Delmar, and Andrina. They were orphans, raised by a lovely older couple who had more kids than I had seen in a lifetime, but these three were older now, barely reaching adulthood, but were geniuses in the making. My orders to the society were to change their futures, educate them, financially support their studies, hire them for work, and protect their family. They were only 12 when we met. I was 20 and homesick. I would sing them to sleep. I learned about the nightmares they used to have. Their desires, loneliness, and despair rolled on me as I melted them away. I took away their pain and sorrows. And taught them to be resilient. There came a moment when they had all decided to call me Big Sis. I disappeared for a few days after. The couple explained to them that I couldn’t be their sister forever. Eventually, upon my return, I explained that I wouldn’t be around forever. My stay was temporary. The legacy I would build here would be theirs. They knew this day would come. Yet here we were, four years later.
I opened my arms; they hesitated. I saw their eyes pooling with tears. Andrina came over first. Her gentle sobs came through my chest. I held her close with one arm. Fexor came next, sniffling as he took solace in my other arm. Delmar stood over us, and I could see his tears falling silently as he leaned his forehead into my hair. His shoulders sank, defeated. I sang for them, perhaps for the last time. We pulled away. Andrina croaked, “We’ll miss you….” I nodded. “I’ll always miss you all. Thank you for everything. You’ll have an amazing life here. Good luck” With one last look at them, I walked away, a faint whisper, “Good luck, Big Sis.”
I was the first changed human that had chosen to go back to Earth. I longed to see my parents and boyfriend; maybe this would feel like a dream one day. They explained that my appearance wouldn’t change. Great, now my family would ask questions while barely recognizing me. A scientist smiled as they placed a device on my head that would keep my brain from talking about this planet or anything that happened here. I would keep my memories and knowledge of being here, but I couldn’t talk about it to anyone.
“We all wish you would stay and learn more with us. You make a difference here.” The scientist said. He had experienced my power and the work I had accomplished over the years.
I shrugged. “I’m sorry…maybe if life on Earth doesn’t work out….”
“We will come back for you if there’s any danger, ma’am. Or if you request it. You’ll always have the choice to return—even years from now. The council will send for you if you request it.”
The machine finished, and I could feel the mental lock in place. I couldn’t talk in detail about the past four years. Fear was building up and knotting in my chest as they continued the preparations. Zuke approached me; he looked sullen as he held a blindfold. I smiled as he spoke, “It’s been a pleasure, ma’am. I’ll watch over the others. Your orders.” Always so proper. “They’re your family too, Zuke. Stay with them. Protect and love them as such.” He was an orphan too. He never received love until we met the older couple and their kids. Zuke was enamored; the couple said he reminded them of a son they lost years ago, and now Zuke was their son whether he liked it or not. He would take the room I left behind. “I will, ma’am. Thank you.” He blindfolded me and led me away. I felt the air shift. Go silent. That numb feeling and a lack of all senses came over me—the same as all those years ago. I focused on what home would be like and slowly drifted further away.
Thanks for reading! This series will be on and off worked on since most days I’m busy with life. But I thoroughly enjoy writing and fixing this up for everyone’s enjoyment. Reminder that these are drafts that I hope to edit/publish one day. But for now it’s for everyone to enjoy and read. Thanks for the support!
Chapter 1: When They Came For Me
One moment, I was looking up at the stars on the porch. The phone beside me buzzed, and I opened a message from my boyfriend. “I miss you love.” I started to type back when I felt dizzy, and a pounding headache brought me to my knees. It felt as though gravity was pulling me down. It was suffocating my entire being. “Help” was all I could manage to send back to him, my last words.
A flash of light lit up in the darkness, and everything around me went silent. I looked up at the blinding light. I was screaming, but no sound came. An unknown force swept up my body. Suddenly, cold darkness came over me. I could hear whispering in the distance. I was numb, shivering from the cold? Fear? I couldn’t tell if I was standing, sitting, or floating. There was faint whispering as I drifted away.
It’s been four years since then. Life on this planet was beautiful despite the abduction and their experiments. None were painful, but they changed me…into something else. The abducted humans were treated as superiors. Those who completed their transition would then have a choice between going home or staying to learn more about the universe or expanding their peaceful life here with the others. All had chosen to remain; except me.
Hello everyone! This is the start of a series I’m writing. More to come soon! If you’re enjoying please feel free to comment. Anything I post here are drafts that’ll eventually be put together into a book one day hopefully. The inspiration comes from past dreams and I fill in the details or add to it. Hope you all enjoy. Photo is from the AI avatar Lensa using my own selfies. I loved how it came out!