It begins. My journey to weight loss through the years has been a battle. I always say I’ll lose and never do. My head was never in the right place. Depression. Comfort eating. Bad habits. All of it just came back every time I tried. I want to start today and see where it takes me. I’m not going to do a crash diet or anything of the sort. Simply going to be more aware of what goes into my body. Change little things here and there. Measure my portions. Morning walks with son for an hour and drinking some Lean Shake I bought in the mornings before hand and tracking my calories with the MyFitnessPal App. Later on in the journey I’ll hopefully reveal my true weight but I’m still uncomfortable in doing so. Every Sunday (or Saturday) I’ll keep everyone updated. Hopefully I can put this in a separate tab somewhere so it’s easy to follow.
In my skin care I have a Rose theme going on and I continue to add more things Rose related. I recently bought this oil to foam cleanser from Mamonde to make my nightly skin care much easier. It melts away my makeup which is usually mascara with some eyeshadow and liquid lip. After it’s well distributed. I add a tad bit more with water and foam it up. It feels so luxurious and smells lovely as usual. Leaves my skin feeling soft and clean. The consistency is almost like an oily gel so it’s easy to over use the product thinking it won’t be enough. Plus, whatever bit of makeup or anything is left I usually use my toner and cotton pad to get everything completely off. Honestly, just from the week I’ve been using it’s a definite permanent part of skin care routine as long as it’s available. I always look forward to my night skincare since it relaxes me before going to bed so having something that feels like I’m pampering myself is amazing. You can find this at Ulta by clicking on this link—-> Mamonde Petal Spa Oil to Foam
I’ve always been interested in piercings. Growing up I wanted extra holes above the ear piercings I had already. Get my nose pierced and snake bites. Never did the snake bites though. My body is prone to scarring easily and didn’t want to chance the skin around my lips bruising. The nose piercing I ended up loving and still do! It’s been 2 years and I still love how it makes my overall face look. I was tempted to get a septum but with a one year old who am I kidding?
Today I’ve decided to get an industrial (A bar in my upper ear cartilage) which makes me nervous. I think sitting here on the bus on my way there. I’m building up anxiety and a non existing expectation of pain. I’ve gotten tattoos. Pierced more than once. Given birth with epidural and yet a needle still makes my stomach flop. How’s that even possible? I need to get it together. If anyone out there reading this has ever gotten an industrial or pierced in worse places. Please tell me I’m crazy and I’m nervous for no reason.
I wasn’t always the type to take care of myself before. The most I would do is indulge in my favorite foods or snack on an Oreo if I was feeling wild. Then, I learned that self care runs a lot deeper than that. If I’m being honest. I really started about a few months ago being serious about my self care and before that my mental health. That’s a story for another day. Stay tuned.
Back in April, I finally gave in and bought myself a kindle. I know, I know. It’s nothing like a physical copy and what not. Frankly, I’m not a fan of the clutter it creates plus no time for library trips. Anyway, so I got my first kindle after debating it for a over a year. Got myself the unlimited membership and it began. I poured myself every night into a new story. I escaped to a different worlds. Slowly I felt my moods change and found myself not overthinking or worrying too much. That’s when I realized that before being a mother having hobbies made me sane. Now I was an overthinking mess. By the end of June I made a separate Instagram account for makeup, products reviews and blog posts. I started making time for myself for skin care and light make up. Took time to go back into some video games and shows. I can finally say I’m doing so much better than before.
Before all this, it’s not that I was terrible. I just wasn’t myself. My skin was dry and dull. My eyes started to darken from lack of sleep. My mind was in constant battle with itself from overthinking and being bored. I would occasionally play some mobile games or distract myself with little things here and there. But it wasn’t enough. Things were setting me off, my moods were in this odd flux that I couldn’t understand myself. Overall I was content but these moments of darkness would send me spiraling and it would build up. That’s why this journey is important. That’s why I always tell others you need to love yourself before you can love others. It makes you a happier person overall and that’s what counts.
“the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self”- Enouement
I came across this word soon after losing my daughter in 2016. The grief was raw. I still had this numb feeling. Every day waking up I felt as if my body was heavy. It’s truly insane how attached emotions can be to our physical selves. So when I came across this word and looked it up. I, of course, went through so many what if scenarios. My thoughts that were jumbled into this odd ball of grief. Sadness. Anger. Slowly unraveled. I felt sad for the me before the loss. I felt so horrified that she was going to go through one of the most heartbreaking things as a new mother to be. Not just once but twice. She doesn’t know that she will get through it. That eventually there’s a beautiful happy son who’s going to fill her life with happiness and although he makes her long for his siblings. She will be happy. She will be content.
hat girl from before didn’t know she would find her true love one day. One that would understand her full and whole. That she didn’t need to try to be someone she wasn’t. Or figure out her life so much. That she didn’t have to cry at night from being lonely at all. He would eventually come and take a hold of her. Wrap his arms around her and tell her she wouldn’t have to worry. That he would love her till his last breath
I’m sure everyone goes through this at some point. Whether it be a rough patch, a tragic loss, a problem that needed to be solved. You look back and you almost feel bad that you had to go through that to be the person you are right now. Honestly, if I could have a moment with my past self I would hug her. Tell her that it will be okay one day 💗
Anyone else have had moments like this?