Tag: writer

Hobbies, mental health

Journaling: Junk Journaling

Everlasting Sirua

As mentioned in a previous blog entry. I’ve been journaling for years. They’re more like diaries. I finished one that I’ve had since September 2017 til February 2023. Almost six years worth of entries. A person of the past. The emotional shifts and growth as you watch yourself grow through the page you write.

I have different journals for different uses. Budget, To Do List/Work, Diary and Miscellaneous one with random thoughts or ideas for something. I get obsessive about journaling sometimes. Writing things down physically is different than typing it out. I tend to retain more that way.

This notebook I purchased from Notebook therapy. There’s so many options and limited time notebooks. Their washi tapes are so cute and they sell rubber stamps. This is one of many notebooks I own from them. Their main use is for bullet journal but I can use it as a diary as well.

Whale collection Washi

These whale collection washi tape are so adorable. Once I have junk paper and everything to craft I’ll show off what I do before beginning my entry. I’m so excited to bring out a part of creativity in myself to share with you all. It’s almost the end of February and I feel a sense of change coming. Life is already crazy with busy times and finishing up this term of school. I’m hopeful once I finish things will calm down. But something tells me that’s not the case. I will have little time between school finishing and the comings weeks to relax. Life is funny in that way.

Anyone been journaling or likes to journal? Scrap book? Comment below your experience!

Hobbies, Stories, Story/Book

Taken into the Stars: Losing Her (Conrad) Part 5

Everlasting Sirua

Working nights are quiet. There is nothing else to do besides ensuring the building is clean, trash is taken out, and sometimes people come in and out. I pick up my phone and open Lani’s chat. I text her, “I miss you love,” and send it off. Only the universe knows how much I miss that woman on these nights. I would get there in the morning and walk into the room. There she would be with the stupid kitten, Bruce. Okay, okay. Not stupid. The little guy is cute. Black with yellow piercing eyes. He was still a kitten; that age is always ridiculous, annoying, and cute. They’d be cuddled together with Bruce on her head, lost somewhere in her length of dark hair. All you’d see are yellow eyes staring at you in the darkness. Lani’s slow breathing could be heard, surely asleep. But…the moment I set foot in through our bedroom door, her eyes would flutter open. It was always eerie how she knew. 

Buzz.

I opened her message. Panic set in, and I rose off my stool. “Help”? I called her. Voicemail. I kept calling. Dang it, Lani. It kept ringing. I called Kieran, who answered oddly quickly, “Hey man…do you know what time it is? Are you okay?”

“Kieran, I can’t reach your sister. She sent a text saying to help. I’m at work. Can you go, please? You’re closer; I’ll be there soon” I could hear Kieran rustling and the door slamming shut, “Yeah, I gotcha. I’m leaving now.” 

Police lights? I pulled up and got out of the car. The worst thoughts were coming to me. Kieran was standing outside. “What happened?!” He shook his head. “I don’t know, man. She’s not here. Her phone’s outside, but she isn’t home. Cops think maybe she left and disappeared on her own. Asking me questions about her. My sister isn’t on drugs or a flight risk like no man. They don’t believe me.” I could hardly hide my anger as I approached two cops in their car. “Hey, I’m the boyfriend. My girlfriend texted me to help.” The cop nonchalantly replied, “Well, there’s no sign of forced entry, and it hasn’t been more than a few hours. I don’t think that qualifies as anything worrisome yet.” I clenched my jaw. “My girlfriend doesn’t just disappear on her own. She sits on the porch to work or study. She never goes anywhere without her phone. Hell, she won’t even leave our damn kitten alone. I even called her brother to come to check in because we both know she is NOT like this, and her phone was on the floor. If she’s been kidnapped…” They seemed to look at me and finally said, “Okay, sir, let me get detectives. We apologize for the delay.”

The night was a blur of questions; all we were told to do was wait. Wait as I felt my soul fell apart.

One Week Later

Missing, she was missing. This place, our place, feels so dark without her. Bruce lays on her side all the time. Do cats miss their people? This pain in my chest. My heart and soul were breaking apart. A part of me has been ripped away, and it’s raw—the constant what-ifs whirlwind through my mind. My stomach churned with hunger. But I was too numb to eat anything. I couldn’t enjoy a meal knowing she was out there. Alive…scared…or worse. Please, I want her back…

One Month Later

My phone rings, and I still flinch. Usually, it’s her brother wanting to talk or game. I feel myself slipping away further and further. I don’t feel her anymore. I feel dead. As time passed, reality set in. I might not see Lani alive ever again…

Bruce has gotten bigger. I feed him, work, let videos play in the background, and sip on my coffee…even when it burns, at least I feel something. But sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed with grief that I never wish to get out of bed on my days off. But Bruce comes to let me know he is hungry. At least someone is hungry…when was the last time I ate anything good? 

I sighed in the shower and leaned into the hot water. Letting it soothe my sore muscles. But it couldn’t help the pain within. A random memory of her peeking into the shower curtain, asking to come in. Before I could agree, she’d pull the curtain open and step in. My eyes would drift all over her as I took her in. The sleepy eyes, long dark hair, the thickness of her thighs leading into curvy hips, and the sweet sound of giggling as she went around me to get under the shower. The smell of her soap as she slathered it on herself. I wanted to surround myself with that smell forever. So, I wrapped my arms around her to help her lather up. I knew all her ticklish spots, her favorite places to be touched, and where to massage to relax her. I’d bite her ear as she melted in my arms. She’d finish showering, and she would encaptivate me. “Okay, done!” A peck on the lips, and she was rushing out. “Don’t you dare. Come here”. I’d pull her back in for a deeper kiss. Stepping out of the shower myself, one hand still entangled in her wet hair. Her warm body pressed against me, and I couldn’t resist. I wanted to get lost inside her and forget everything to make her mine.

The memory stung, and the heaviness in my chest made me weak with despair. My breathing quickened, and I felt dizzy. My heart was beating out of my chest as the sobs came in waves. I was nauseated by the haunting thoughts of anyone darkening that smile, laying their hands on her, and the fear she must be feeling…or felt. I was hyperventilating. I sat in the tub with my hands on my head. I took deep breaths. These panic attacks often came now, sometimes a few times a day. Memories are triggered at every turn.

A mew snapped me back into reality. Bruce was sitting by the shower. His meow was soft, and his face seemed puzzled. I was losing myself in the memories again. “Thanks, buddy…” He began to purr and walked away. I yelled out, “I see how it is. Leave a man when he’s down.” That damn cat…

POV I’ve always enjoyed POV books and thought maybe we could see the side of Conrad of his grief without her. As he watches her family suffer through that time without her as well as his heartbreak. Hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you all think thus far!

Life

Taken Into The Stars: Bittersweet Memories (Part 3)

Everlasting Sirua

I gasped and sat up. The sea breeze hit me, and I inhaled it.  My eyes adjusted in the dark as I watched the waves lap the shore. I rose to brush the sand off my jeans and hoodie. A pink backpack with personal items and some cash was all I had on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what to expect. My family? Boyfriend? My twin brother Kieran? What will they say? This would be difficult, and cops would be called.

            I gazed at the beach a bit longer. I pulled out a mirror and changed my hair to a soft rosy color. I didn’t want to be completely recognizable. I’ll change my voice if needed. I began to walk away from the beach and found my way into the woods. I followed with the moon still overhead. I could hear movements. People inside their homes from a distance. Closer and closer, I finally reached the city area. I was back in New York City—home on earth. 

I didn’t rush as the sun rose, painting the sky with its orange and blue hues. I managed to reach the train station. The noises were overwhelming; with my heightened senses, it would take time to get used to. I breathed and tried to block everything out. I caught up to a train heading downtown. I could see the time; my boyfriend would take the train soon if he still worked the same job. I stood as I watched through the windows as the train stopped at each station. I was getting closer to the stop. Three stops…two stops… one stop…

Nothing. 

I released a shaky breath. Panic was setting in. Maybe he moved? Stopped working? So much can happen in four years. 

Ding. Doors closing. 

            “Excuse me…” My breath hitched at the familiar deep voice.

             Conrad.

            He sat across from me. I clenched the backpack against me, my hood up to conceal myself further. I peeked at him, he was in a dark hoodie with his leather jacket over it, and headphones were on. He had dark circles under his eyes and this far-off look. He almost looked broken…no hint of a smile, only emptiness. Even still, he was handsome, even with the severe look on his face; I could feel his sadness and loneliness. We rode for thirty minutes together. He got up, his stop approaching. Should I follow? I had no plan. I exited the train with him.

            He followed his route to work with me on his heels. As he entered his job, I made my way to the library with a café; my heart was beating quickly as I sat down with my usual order, a java chip frappe. It hurt to see him so sad and alone. What if he had a life and the sadness was something else? Another girl in his life? Could I accept that…?

            It felt weird being back here again. The library had changed a bit, and the drink tasted similar but better—memories creeping back to me of Conrad and I wandering in the manga and fiction section. I would find a book to get lost in as he sat next to me with his manga. Sometimes I would catch his gaze on me through the top part of his book. His cheek was resting against his hand, his smile subtle. “I know you’re looking at me, Conrad.” He’d avert his gaze and chuckle taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. “I can’t just look at you, love?” 

“Not without a kiss, you can’t” He leaned in for a kiss on my forehead, then my lips. “Want the usual, and we share?” I nodded. I watched as he walked away. Gosh, he was perfect and so sweet. He looked back and smiled softly. I made a face at him, and it got a smirk out of him—that memory felt like forever ago.

It was almost time for him to get out. So, I quickly sipped up my drink and dropped it into the bin with a loud thud.

Thank you for reading! I’ve been thoroughly enjoying writing the series. I’m still trying to to debate whether to keep it tame or have adult content. Let me know if this would be of interest to anyone as my audience. I appreciate you all!

Hobbies, Stories

Taken into The Stars: Part 2

Everlasting Sirua

I stared into my reflection. I was not the same person I was; I longed to go home. My appearance may have changed, but I was still me. Where my dark brown eyes once were, now a brighter maroon brown with flecks of pink stood. My hair used to be brown, almost black, and now it can have any chosen colors, glow or shine, a perk I gained in my transition. My skin was now flawless, almost translucent with pink undertones, and it would shimmer in bright lighting. 

In the beginning, angry and afraid when I woke up after the transition was complete, I once unleashed my full power. My eyes had changed to a piercing silver blue, and my hair grew past the length of my body into an opal color with shimmers all over; it pulsed with every surge of power that came through me. The room fell silent…no one was able to move. An enchanted song from my vocal cords paralyzed them. A sound that can only be described as celestial. The experience was described as wonderous, and all those who could hear me would fix their gaze on me…waiting for their deaths. I remember only my screams and asking to go home. But overwhelmed with exhaustion. I fainted.

I didn’t feel I belonged on this planet, but did I belong on Earth? These people had chosen me due to a fate they couldn’t explain. They could sense the “special” humans. Everyone was kind, and things were peaceful here compared to my life on Earth. The view in this room was my favorite; I could sit here for hours and think about my future, past, and present. I missed my old life. I gazed into the pink skies where clouds would swirl, and when the stars came through, I rose with a deep exhale. My door slid open, and my guardian, Zuke, was waiting for me. He politely bowed while saying, “Ma’am, it’s time.” I nodded. “Thank you, Zuke.” He bowed down again and escorted me to the lab.

Before reaching the lab, I felt a presence nearing. I smirked. “I know you’re there.” Out from the corner emerged Fexor, Delmar, and Andrina. They were orphans, raised by a lovely older couple who had more kids than I had seen in a lifetime, but these three were older now, barely reaching adulthood, but were geniuses in the making. My orders to the society were to change their futures, educate them, financially support their studies, hire them for work, and protect their family. They were only 12 when we met. I was 20 and homesick. I would sing them to sleep. I learned about the nightmares they used to have. Their desires, loneliness, and despair rolled on me as I melted them away. I took away their pain and sorrows. And taught them to be resilient. There came a moment when they had all decided to call me Big Sis. I disappeared for a few days after. The couple explained to them that I couldn’t be their sister forever. Eventually, upon my return, I explained that I wouldn’t be around forever. My stay was temporary. The legacy I would build here would be theirs. They knew this day would come. Yet here we were, four years later. 

I opened my arms; they hesitated. I saw their eyes pooling with tears. Andrina came over first. Her gentle sobs came through my chest. I held her close with one arm. Fexor came next, sniffling as he took solace in my other arm. Delmar stood over us, and I could see his tears falling silently as he leaned his forehead into my hair. His shoulders sank, defeated. I sang for them, perhaps for the last time. We pulled away. Andrina croaked, “We’ll miss you….” I nodded. “I’ll always miss you all. Thank you for everything. You’ll have an amazing life here. Good luck” With one last look at them, I walked away, a faint whisper, “Good luck, Big Sis.” 

I was the first changed human that had chosen to go back to Earth. I longed to see my parents and boyfriend; maybe this would feel like a dream one day. They explained that my appearance wouldn’t change. Great, now my family would ask questions while barely recognizing me. A scientist smiled as they placed a device on my head that would keep my brain from talking about this planet or anything that happened here. I would keep my memories and knowledge of being here, but I couldn’t talk about it to anyone. 

“We all wish you would stay and learn more with us. You make a difference here.” The scientist said. He had experienced my power and the work I had accomplished over the years. 

I shrugged. “I’m sorry…maybe if life on Earth doesn’t work out….”

“We will come back for you if there’s any danger, ma’am. Or if you request it. You’ll always have the choice to return—even years from now. The council will send for you if you request it.”

The machine finished, and I could feel the mental lock in place. I couldn’t talk in detail about the past four years. Fear was building up and knotting in my chest as they continued the preparations. Zuke approached me; he looked sullen as he held a blindfold. I smiled as he spoke, “It’s been a pleasure, ma’am. I’ll watch over the others. Your orders.” Always so proper. “They’re your family too, Zuke. Stay with them. Protect and love them as such.” He was an orphan too. He never received love until we met the older couple and their kids. Zuke was enamored; the couple said he reminded them of a son they lost years ago, and now Zuke was their son whether he liked it or not. He would take the room I left behind. “I will, ma’am. Thank you.” He blindfolded me and led me away. I felt the air shift. Go silent. That numb feeling and a lack of all senses came over me—the same as all those years ago. I focused on what home would be like and slowly drifted further away.

Thanks for reading! This series will be on and off worked on since most days I’m busy with life. But I thoroughly enjoy writing and fixing this up for everyone’s enjoyment. Reminder that these are drafts that I hope to edit/publish one day. But for now it’s for everyone to enjoy and read. Thanks for the support!

Dream Journal, Life, Stories

Taken Into the Stars: Intro

Everlasting Sirua

Chapter 1: When They Came For Me

One moment, I was looking up at the stars on the porch. The phone beside me buzzed, and I opened a message from my boyfriend. “I miss you love.” I started to type back when I felt dizzy, and a pounding headache brought me to my knees. It felt as though gravity was pulling me down. It was suffocating my entire being. “Help” was all I could manage to send back to him, my last words.

A flash of light lit up in the darkness, and everything around me went silent. I looked up at the blinding light. I was screaming, but no sound came. An unknown force swept up my body. Suddenly, cold darkness came over me. I could hear whispering in the distance. I was numb, shivering from the cold? Fear? I couldn’t tell if I was standing, sitting, or floating. There was faint whispering as I drifted away.

It’s been four years since then. Life on this planet was beautiful despite the abduction and their experiments. None were painful, but they changed me…into something else. The abducted humans were treated as superiors. Those who completed their transition would then have a choice between going home or staying to learn more about the universe or expanding their peaceful life here with the others. All had chosen to remain; except me.

Hello everyone! This is the start of a series I’m writing. More to come soon! If you’re enjoying please feel free to comment. Anything I post here are drafts that’ll eventually be put together into a book one day hopefully. The inspiration comes from past dreams and I fill in the details or add to it. Hope you all enjoy. Photo is from the AI avatar Lensa using my own selfies. I loved how it came out!

Life

Thank you For the Support!

Everlasting Sirua

Wanted to take the time out to thank everyone who support my blog and read my content. It’s not much but I do my best to keep a rhythm and a constant on here. I’m happy to be able to write and put my energy out there for everyone to read and enjoy. So thank you for over 100 followers and the 500 likes! Here’s to the future and what’s to come.

Feel free to reach out whether it be for a “vibe check” reading or to connect with me in my social links below. Blessed be and stay sweet everyone!

Hobbies, Stories

Dream Stories: Haunted Cabin Part 3

Everlasting Sirua

I’m starting a short story series inspired by dreams I have had in the past. A lot of it consist of assumptions of the way the dreams were carried. Stories are vague since there’s no true beginning or end. Some characters have no name and barely any dialogue. Also some of parts of the stories are meant for an older audience since sexual situations are depicted at times. I’ll rate them an M as I go if they are of adult nature. Let me know what y’all think. Thank you! Hope you enjoy part 3!

I felt myself fading. The screams and the horrifying smile. Stomach churning and I felt defeated. Why? Why did this thing want me?

“Vade retro satana!”

He walked in and I fell to my knees. The pale face monster gone. Rushing over he brought me into his arms. He was sweating and almost trembling. Asking if I was okay. I sobbed into his shoulders and he was able to gather me up to the chair again. I asked him over and over again what was that. He looked me over and he shook his head.

“It’s worse than I thought. The darkness in this town. It’s hopeless. Not even I can defeat it this way. We have to leave before we are trapped forever and forgotten.”

I didn’t understand as he continued to explain the demon figures. The spells, exorcisms, and weird phenomenon of people around getting sick, dying or going into a state of shock. The cabin was his family’s cabin passed down generations and the journals of an ancestor who killed himself to contain the darkness. The cabin and its grounds were once considered the safest place to be in but the demons could draw people out to their deaths at night. Those who have been killed were forgotten by those who weren’t near by to witness their horrific deaths or those with an affinity for magic. He believe I had the potential to be a witch as my father came from a lineage of powerful witches. I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn’t be a witch. He continued saying my father had forgotten his true roots since his family was wiped out investigating but they were a powerful line of witches and due to how much they’ve forgotten the line had weakened with marriages outside the coven. I blinked and tries to process everything. His face so serious and handsome with the light of the fire dancing on his face. How could I believe him…and yet how could I not believe after all the weird happenings in the cabin?

He made me a cup of tea and made sure I was comfortable. I thanked him for saving my life. He smiled for the first time and brushed the hair out of my face.

“I am not letting you out of my sight now”

His voice settled my nerves and he left to answer the ringing phone. I sipped on my tea struggling between wanting to leave and yet staying with him. He came back saying that my parents had to stay at a hotel because of a storm coming and advised us to stay. Panic set in. We couldn’t stay in this cabin. Not with what was out there. He assured me the cabin was safe. Anything outside of it was worse and they were more attracted to those with affinity than normal people or outsiders. “I will protect you at all cost. I won’t lose anyone else ever again”

I wanted to shower. He promised to wait outside the door. I did my best to calm down in the shower. Things were messed up. I felt crazy but how could I be crazy if he saw it too? I had felt so helpless against it. I didn’t want to feel that way ever again. If I had the affinity why not learn magic? My mind raced as I got dressed and he was waiting out the door. His gaze looked me over and he looked away. I managed a giggle and walked past him to my room. I closed the shower door. Not sure how long it would be til I felt safe again.

He sat on the couch across from my bed with a journal in hand. He gestured for me to lay in bed to rest. I awkwardly got into bed and didn’t look at him. I wish I could fall asleep easily and not have to think about the scary things at night. But he made me feel safe and I trusted him. More than I ever trusted anyone else. He saved my life. My mind swirled for a while before sleep found me.

I screamed. The nightmare about the pale figure. The way it seemed to smile and it’s eyes pitch black. Fear gripped me. And I came out of the nightmare. He was still holding me close and asked if I was okay. I nodded not wanting to move from the comfort of his arms. He told me it was 4 am that the Sun would be up soon in a couple of hours and we would have nothing to fear during daylight hours.

I could feel my face heating up and I nodded. I wasn’t sure if it was wanting the comfort or if I was crazy. I barely knew him but everything about him was comforting. He was warm and peaceful even with the cold distant state he facades. I noticed his face was flushed as I looked up at him. Quickly turning away and saying “I’ll go back to the couch now.” I shook my head and held on to him. “Stay…please. Umm…you can come to bed and lay next to me…”

He looked at me with his hands balled up into fist. His shoulders relaxed and he got into bed. I got under the covers and looked back at him. His arm was over his eyes and I could see his breathing slowing. The tiredness washing over him. Would it be so bad to lay close to him? To want his arms around me? Slowly I pressed my back against his side. His warmth put me at ease and back to sleep I went.

Dream Journal, Stories

Dream Stories: Haunted Cabin Part 1

Everlasting Sirua

I’m starting a short story series inspired by dreams I have had in the past. A lot of it consist of assumptions of the way the dreams were carried. Stories are vague since there’s no true beginning or end. Some characters have no name and barely any dialogue. Also some of these stories are meant for an older audience since sexual situations are depicted. I’ll rate them as I go. I’m in no way a professional writer at all. I only do this for fun to vent the world of my dreams. Here’s a sample. Let me know what y’all think. Thank you! Hope you enjoy.

The cabin was old, dreary and in the middle of no where. It looked sturdy and seemed older than what my parents had mentioned. They were old fashioned, the decor were antiques and the fireplace cracking in the background gave it an eerie aura. We were here for “business” something they’ve been keeping to themselves for a while. The college break was much welcomed. I didn’t care much about socializing or going out. I rather be left alone although my parents thought by now I would of brought a man home. I didn’t care much about the comments and wanted to read through the old books I found in the beautiful library I found within. My father told me to not get lost in the books since they were old and contained fictional stories. Stories that couldn’t be recalled by anyone although there were pictures of what looked to be real people. Talks of magic, witches, death, monsters, ghost, spirits and weird happenings. I eventually found a journal. An ancestor who stayed in the cabin to research the happenings surrounding the area. I sank into the recliner and read. As the weeks progressed in the journal. The tone began to change. It went from curiosity and mystery to anxiety and paranoia. The words written felt rushed and pretty soon look erratic. Deep with fear. They spoke of a haunting. Seeing things that didn’t make sense. To never go out in the woods at night. Watch for the people, the ones with the pale faces. The journal goes blank. A slight splatter of what looked to be…blood?

BANG!

The window sound startled me. The wind was blowing outside. I slowly approached the window. I searched and was met with the darkness of the night. I squinted and I felt the hairs in the back of my neck stand up as I saw a figure. Could there be something out there? No. It’s fiction like dad said. There’s no way. It slowly turned around. My breath caught. I wanted to yell. Scream. Anything. It was so pale and it’s face was blank. It smiled at me. I felt As though I lost my voice. I backed up and trip over the foot rest.

Tap…Tap…TAP

I looked up and there it was. Finger tapping the window. It eyes dark with no soul. It’s skin pale. Staring down at me. Was this a ghost? It looked up and let out a scream. At first I couldn’t hear anything. Then it hit me. The shrilling. It felt like it was coming from inside my head. My head pounding. As if my brain wanted to leave my head. My ears felt full. The sound so shrill and painful. I felt the world around me go silent and my body couldn’t take anymore as I felt myself fall. I couldn’t stay awake. I don’t want to die…I sank into darkness and nothing…

Tap…Tap…Tap

First part and any feedback is welcomed! There’s probably some errors. These are more like drafts if anything. I will try to release this once or twice a week on Wednesday as a weird dreams Wednesdays. And perhaps Fridays. Thank you for all the support!