Tag: writing

Hobbies, Stories, Story/Book

Taken into the Stars: Losing Her (Conrad) Part 5

Everlasting Sirua

Working nights are quiet. There is nothing else to do besides ensuring the building is clean, trash is taken out, and sometimes people come in and out. I pick up my phone and open Lani’s chat. I text her, “I miss you love,” and send it off. Only the universe knows how much I miss that woman on these nights. I would get there in the morning and walk into the room. There she would be with the stupid kitten, Bruce. Okay, okay. Not stupid. The little guy is cute. Black with yellow piercing eyes. He was still a kitten; that age is always ridiculous, annoying, and cute. They’d be cuddled together with Bruce on her head, lost somewhere in her length of dark hair. All you’d see are yellow eyes staring at you in the darkness. Lani’s slow breathing could be heard, surely asleep. But…the moment I set foot in through our bedroom door, her eyes would flutter open. It was always eerie how she knew. 

Buzz.

I opened her message. Panic set in, and I rose off my stool. “Help”? I called her. Voicemail. I kept calling. Dang it, Lani. It kept ringing. I called Kieran, who answered oddly quickly, “Hey man…do you know what time it is? Are you okay?”

“Kieran, I can’t reach your sister. She sent a text saying to help. I’m at work. Can you go, please? You’re closer; I’ll be there soon” I could hear Kieran rustling and the door slamming shut, “Yeah, I gotcha. I’m leaving now.” 

Police lights? I pulled up and got out of the car. The worst thoughts were coming to me. Kieran was standing outside. “What happened?!” He shook his head. “I don’t know, man. She’s not here. Her phone’s outside, but she isn’t home. Cops think maybe she left and disappeared on her own. Asking me questions about her. My sister isn’t on drugs or a flight risk like no man. They don’t believe me.” I could hardly hide my anger as I approached two cops in their car. “Hey, I’m the boyfriend. My girlfriend texted me to help.” The cop nonchalantly replied, “Well, there’s no sign of forced entry, and it hasn’t been more than a few hours. I don’t think that qualifies as anything worrisome yet.” I clenched my jaw. “My girlfriend doesn’t just disappear on her own. She sits on the porch to work or study. She never goes anywhere without her phone. Hell, she won’t even leave our damn kitten alone. I even called her brother to come to check in because we both know she is NOT like this, and her phone was on the floor. If she’s been kidnapped…” They seemed to look at me and finally said, “Okay, sir, let me get detectives. We apologize for the delay.”

The night was a blur of questions; all we were told to do was wait. Wait as I felt my soul fell apart.

One Week Later

Missing, she was missing. This place, our place, feels so dark without her. Bruce lays on her side all the time. Do cats miss their people? This pain in my chest. My heart and soul were breaking apart. A part of me has been ripped away, and it’s raw—the constant what-ifs whirlwind through my mind. My stomach churned with hunger. But I was too numb to eat anything. I couldn’t enjoy a meal knowing she was out there. Alive…scared…or worse. Please, I want her back…

One Month Later

My phone rings, and I still flinch. Usually, it’s her brother wanting to talk or game. I feel myself slipping away further and further. I don’t feel her anymore. I feel dead. As time passed, reality set in. I might not see Lani alive ever again…

Bruce has gotten bigger. I feed him, work, let videos play in the background, and sip on my coffee…even when it burns, at least I feel something. But sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed with grief that I never wish to get out of bed on my days off. But Bruce comes to let me know he is hungry. At least someone is hungry…when was the last time I ate anything good? 

I sighed in the shower and leaned into the hot water. Letting it soothe my sore muscles. But it couldn’t help the pain within. A random memory of her peeking into the shower curtain, asking to come in. Before I could agree, she’d pull the curtain open and step in. My eyes would drift all over her as I took her in. The sleepy eyes, long dark hair, the thickness of her thighs leading into curvy hips, and the sweet sound of giggling as she went around me to get under the shower. The smell of her soap as she slathered it on herself. I wanted to surround myself with that smell forever. So, I wrapped my arms around her to help her lather up. I knew all her ticklish spots, her favorite places to be touched, and where to massage to relax her. I’d bite her ear as she melted in my arms. She’d finish showering, and she would encaptivate me. “Okay, done!” A peck on the lips, and she was rushing out. “Don’t you dare. Come here”. I’d pull her back in for a deeper kiss. Stepping out of the shower myself, one hand still entangled in her wet hair. Her warm body pressed against me, and I couldn’t resist. I wanted to get lost inside her and forget everything to make her mine.

The memory stung, and the heaviness in my chest made me weak with despair. My breathing quickened, and I felt dizzy. My heart was beating out of my chest as the sobs came in waves. I was nauseated by the haunting thoughts of anyone darkening that smile, laying their hands on her, and the fear she must be feeling…or felt. I was hyperventilating. I sat in the tub with my hands on my head. I took deep breaths. These panic attacks often came now, sometimes a few times a day. Memories are triggered at every turn.

A mew snapped me back into reality. Bruce was sitting by the shower. His meow was soft, and his face seemed puzzled. I was losing myself in the memories again. “Thanks, buddy…” He began to purr and walked away. I yelled out, “I see how it is. Leave a man when he’s down.” That damn cat…

POV I’ve always enjoyed POV books and thought maybe we could see the side of Conrad of his grief without her. As he watches her family suffer through that time without her as well as his heartbreak. Hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you all think thus far!

Life

Taken Into The Stars: Bittersweet Memories (Part 3)

Everlasting Sirua

I gasped and sat up. The sea breeze hit me, and I inhaled it.  My eyes adjusted in the dark as I watched the waves lap the shore. I rose to brush the sand off my jeans and hoodie. A pink backpack with personal items and some cash was all I had on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what to expect. My family? Boyfriend? My twin brother Kieran? What will they say? This would be difficult, and cops would be called.

            I gazed at the beach a bit longer. I pulled out a mirror and changed my hair to a soft rosy color. I didn’t want to be completely recognizable. I’ll change my voice if needed. I began to walk away from the beach and found my way into the woods. I followed with the moon still overhead. I could hear movements. People inside their homes from a distance. Closer and closer, I finally reached the city area. I was back in New York City—home on earth. 

I didn’t rush as the sun rose, painting the sky with its orange and blue hues. I managed to reach the train station. The noises were overwhelming; with my heightened senses, it would take time to get used to. I breathed and tried to block everything out. I caught up to a train heading downtown. I could see the time; my boyfriend would take the train soon if he still worked the same job. I stood as I watched through the windows as the train stopped at each station. I was getting closer to the stop. Three stops…two stops… one stop…

Nothing. 

I released a shaky breath. Panic was setting in. Maybe he moved? Stopped working? So much can happen in four years. 

Ding. Doors closing. 

            “Excuse me…” My breath hitched at the familiar deep voice.

             Conrad.

            He sat across from me. I clenched the backpack against me, my hood up to conceal myself further. I peeked at him, he was in a dark hoodie with his leather jacket over it, and headphones were on. He had dark circles under his eyes and this far-off look. He almost looked broken…no hint of a smile, only emptiness. Even still, he was handsome, even with the severe look on his face; I could feel his sadness and loneliness. We rode for thirty minutes together. He got up, his stop approaching. Should I follow? I had no plan. I exited the train with him.

            He followed his route to work with me on his heels. As he entered his job, I made my way to the library with a café; my heart was beating quickly as I sat down with my usual order, a java chip frappe. It hurt to see him so sad and alone. What if he had a life and the sadness was something else? Another girl in his life? Could I accept that…?

            It felt weird being back here again. The library had changed a bit, and the drink tasted similar but better—memories creeping back to me of Conrad and I wandering in the manga and fiction section. I would find a book to get lost in as he sat next to me with his manga. Sometimes I would catch his gaze on me through the top part of his book. His cheek was resting against his hand, his smile subtle. “I know you’re looking at me, Conrad.” He’d avert his gaze and chuckle taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. “I can’t just look at you, love?” 

“Not without a kiss, you can’t” He leaned in for a kiss on my forehead, then my lips. “Want the usual, and we share?” I nodded. I watched as he walked away. Gosh, he was perfect and so sweet. He looked back and smiled softly. I made a face at him, and it got a smirk out of him—that memory felt like forever ago.

It was almost time for him to get out. So, I quickly sipped up my drink and dropped it into the bin with a loud thud.

Thank you for reading! I’ve been thoroughly enjoying writing the series. I’m still trying to to debate whether to keep it tame or have adult content. Let me know if this would be of interest to anyone as my audience. I appreciate you all!

Hobbies, Stories

Taken into The Stars: Part 2

Everlasting Sirua

I stared into my reflection. I was not the same person I was; I longed to go home. My appearance may have changed, but I was still me. Where my dark brown eyes once were, now a brighter maroon brown with flecks of pink stood. My hair used to be brown, almost black, and now it can have any chosen colors, glow or shine, a perk I gained in my transition. My skin was now flawless, almost translucent with pink undertones, and it would shimmer in bright lighting. 

In the beginning, angry and afraid when I woke up after the transition was complete, I once unleashed my full power. My eyes had changed to a piercing silver blue, and my hair grew past the length of my body into an opal color with shimmers all over; it pulsed with every surge of power that came through me. The room fell silent…no one was able to move. An enchanted song from my vocal cords paralyzed them. A sound that can only be described as celestial. The experience was described as wonderous, and all those who could hear me would fix their gaze on me…waiting for their deaths. I remember only my screams and asking to go home. But overwhelmed with exhaustion. I fainted.

I didn’t feel I belonged on this planet, but did I belong on Earth? These people had chosen me due to a fate they couldn’t explain. They could sense the “special” humans. Everyone was kind, and things were peaceful here compared to my life on Earth. The view in this room was my favorite; I could sit here for hours and think about my future, past, and present. I missed my old life. I gazed into the pink skies where clouds would swirl, and when the stars came through, I rose with a deep exhale. My door slid open, and my guardian, Zuke, was waiting for me. He politely bowed while saying, “Ma’am, it’s time.” I nodded. “Thank you, Zuke.” He bowed down again and escorted me to the lab.

Before reaching the lab, I felt a presence nearing. I smirked. “I know you’re there.” Out from the corner emerged Fexor, Delmar, and Andrina. They were orphans, raised by a lovely older couple who had more kids than I had seen in a lifetime, but these three were older now, barely reaching adulthood, but were geniuses in the making. My orders to the society were to change their futures, educate them, financially support their studies, hire them for work, and protect their family. They were only 12 when we met. I was 20 and homesick. I would sing them to sleep. I learned about the nightmares they used to have. Their desires, loneliness, and despair rolled on me as I melted them away. I took away their pain and sorrows. And taught them to be resilient. There came a moment when they had all decided to call me Big Sis. I disappeared for a few days after. The couple explained to them that I couldn’t be their sister forever. Eventually, upon my return, I explained that I wouldn’t be around forever. My stay was temporary. The legacy I would build here would be theirs. They knew this day would come. Yet here we were, four years later. 

I opened my arms; they hesitated. I saw their eyes pooling with tears. Andrina came over first. Her gentle sobs came through my chest. I held her close with one arm. Fexor came next, sniffling as he took solace in my other arm. Delmar stood over us, and I could see his tears falling silently as he leaned his forehead into my hair. His shoulders sank, defeated. I sang for them, perhaps for the last time. We pulled away. Andrina croaked, “We’ll miss you….” I nodded. “I’ll always miss you all. Thank you for everything. You’ll have an amazing life here. Good luck” With one last look at them, I walked away, a faint whisper, “Good luck, Big Sis.” 

I was the first changed human that had chosen to go back to Earth. I longed to see my parents and boyfriend; maybe this would feel like a dream one day. They explained that my appearance wouldn’t change. Great, now my family would ask questions while barely recognizing me. A scientist smiled as they placed a device on my head that would keep my brain from talking about this planet or anything that happened here. I would keep my memories and knowledge of being here, but I couldn’t talk about it to anyone. 

“We all wish you would stay and learn more with us. You make a difference here.” The scientist said. He had experienced my power and the work I had accomplished over the years. 

I shrugged. “I’m sorry…maybe if life on Earth doesn’t work out….”

“We will come back for you if there’s any danger, ma’am. Or if you request it. You’ll always have the choice to return—even years from now. The council will send for you if you request it.”

The machine finished, and I could feel the mental lock in place. I couldn’t talk in detail about the past four years. Fear was building up and knotting in my chest as they continued the preparations. Zuke approached me; he looked sullen as he held a blindfold. I smiled as he spoke, “It’s been a pleasure, ma’am. I’ll watch over the others. Your orders.” Always so proper. “They’re your family too, Zuke. Stay with them. Protect and love them as such.” He was an orphan too. He never received love until we met the older couple and their kids. Zuke was enamored; the couple said he reminded them of a son they lost years ago, and now Zuke was their son whether he liked it or not. He would take the room I left behind. “I will, ma’am. Thank you.” He blindfolded me and led me away. I felt the air shift. Go silent. That numb feeling and a lack of all senses came over me—the same as all those years ago. I focused on what home would be like and slowly drifted further away.

Thanks for reading! This series will be on and off worked on since most days I’m busy with life. But I thoroughly enjoy writing and fixing this up for everyone’s enjoyment. Reminder that these are drafts that I hope to edit/publish one day. But for now it’s for everyone to enjoy and read. Thanks for the support!

Affiliate Links, Dream Journal, Hobbies, Life

Journaling: A Decade of Life

Everlasting Sirua

When I was first introduced to the concept of a diary I was about maybe 7 years old. Putting my feelings and events onto paper as a way to recall moments in my life. The concept was sort of odd to me but I loved writing and took to it right away. At first I’d write about my day, video games I played, and books I liked. Eventually, once I had my first crush (who’s now my husband) I’d include him in there too. I even recall my last entry before it was lost or thrown once I moved away. “If there’s such thing as love. I hope it’ll be my crush.” An 8 year old manifesting her destiny. Now, twenty years later. Here we are.

I continued to journal after that. I started another journal at 11 and wrote in it until I was 13. I even kept a different journal that my best friends or friends in middle school would pass notes on. No secrets. Mostly asking about each others day and things people already knew about us. But my journaling at home came to a halt once I realized my parents and aunt were reading it. Which violated any trust I had left of them. I was devastated and felt exposed. Turmoil even set in since I didn’t have anywhere to put my thoughts, vent and write freely since I knew I was running the chance they’ll find it again.

I didn’t write in another journal til I was about 19 years old. After my husband and I began dating I was overwhelmed with emotions and kept falling deeper in a hole. I finally gave in and began writing again. This time I had my own room and more hiding places. Thus a decade of writing began. My life from 19 years old til now. My dreams, fears, moments in time that I had long forgotten, and snippets of moments whether it be good or bad. It’s weird looking back at 19 year old me. How much I’ve grown and how she, the past me, doesn’t know what’s to come and when it does gel she managed it. There’s happy, sad, success and despair at every turn. Times where I shook my head from how naive and lost I was.

Journaling gives me a release. Once I moved in with my husband. I wrote freely and whenever I wanted. It gives me a chance to relive moments again and compare to the person I was. The growth and experiences on paper shaping me to the present. This is probably why I took to blogging as well. A different approach of journaling to an audience about my experiences and share about my journey.

At times I feel alone in my journal journey. Quite frankly I’m yet to meet someone who has saved their journals/diaries through the years as I did. I’ve also bought new journals for future writing. Tried different pens for writing.

Thus far I enjoy the lined smaller journals like this journal on Amazon. It’s small, cute and sturdy. Easy to store in a drawer and a built in book mark so you don’t lose where you’re at. I also bought these cute Cat pens a couple of years ago that I still use for anything. If you like thin tip pens (.38mm) these are for you!

Don’t like thin pens or feel like you always can’t find a pen? I bought this 144 count Bic Pens and I do like them since it’s smooth and just the right size tip (1mm). I took it to work for office use and left a few at home for back up. Ones that I have on my wish list to try are these Cute pink pens and it has a pink highlighter as well! Definitely love the aesthetic and the clip designs. If you’re a planner like me or need to write things down to organize yourself better there’s this adorable Sakura planner that I love! It’s undated so you can get this and wait til 2023 if you want to date, add and customize it to your liking.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of insight into my life. Writing has always been a part of me. I hope to continue but in the form of fiction stories. Do you enjoy writing? Journaling? Kept a diary at some point? Comment below. As always, stay sweet, everyone.

**Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate/Affiliate this blog earns commission from links used above to make purchases.**

Hobbies, Q&A, Tarot/Card Readings

Thankful for this Life but not the Holiday Blues: Q&A Reply

Everlasting Sirua

Holidays can be either exciting or depressing. As an adult sometimes the wonder leaves you. Your mind crowded and stressed with everything around you. It’s easy to get caught up. Guilt and regret rises up from the past. Worrying about the future.

But I also lose myself in the wonder. The laughter and the different smells of food. I wondered growing up if I would have the same traditions and I didn’t. But I want wherever we call home to be filled with love and understanding. For our children to have their own traditions and beliefs. One day. Once they can speak up. I’ll ask what they would like.

During these times it’s easy to fall into a place of who to reconnect with and despair of those who’ve moved on. To want to rekindle of what once was and dwell in the past. The holiday blues…

Q: What do you do besides tarot reading?

A: Besides being a mother, wife, student and working. I enjoy watching anime and different shows, reading manga and webtoons, playing video games, blogging of course. And much more. I tend to keep up with tech info and things about Tesla. Since I study psychology I do like to research and research on things. I used to be able to read so many books and now I have been reading things about witches and pagan. As a gamer I’ve always been a PlayStation fan. But ever since I got my pc. Haven’t been back. I do have a set up and start streaming last year but being so busy I stopped unfortunately. If there’s anything else. I’m always here! Keep the questions coming.

If there’s anything else. My contact is below. If anyones interested in a vibe check reading or connecting. Blessed be and stay sweet lovelies!

WhatsApp/Text: (917) 635-7597

Dream Journal, Stories

Dream Stories: Haunted Cabin Part 2

Everlasting Sirua

I’m starting a short story series inspired by dreams I have had in the past. A lot of it consist of assumptions of the way the dreams were carried. Stories are vague since there’s no true beginning or end. Some characters have no name and barely any dialogue. Also some of these stories are meant for an older audience since sexual situations are depicted. I’ll rate them as I go. Here’s part 2! Enjoy

I woke up in my bed. My mother caressing my hair. “Are you alright!?” I tried to explain that I saw something outside. Dad looked out the window. He sees nothing. Whatever it was. It was gone and I was trembling. Had I imagined it? I wanted to get out. I felt this sense of not belonging. My mother told me I was probably tired from the many nights of being awake and hardly any sleep. I bit my cheek and did feel tired from the ordeal. I drifted off to sleep. Was I even safe to dream?

Morning came. It was quiet. No birds chirping. Just the sounds of my parents murmuring. Coffee brewing. A knock on the door. My name being called and the shock of seeing a guy standing the middle of the living room. He hardly looked at me and gazed out the window. My parents introduced him and said they had been partnering with him for a while now. He would be working in the library for a few days and if I could keep him company while they went about their research that he was assisting them on. When I asked his name you could hardly hear his voice. But I nodded and took in his overall appearance. His hair dark as a raven’s wing barely covering his eyes. His eyes darker than the coffee he was sipping on. Skin was a cream color as if it hadn’t seen sun in a while. His facial hair was well kept and made him appear older. He was cold, distant, as if his whole world had crumbled in a past life from the gaze of his eyes. He stood taller than I was and his physique was lean but looked like he worked out at some point. Perhaps he stopped? Why was he so cold? The day carried on with his silence. He watched us. He sighed under his breath with dad’s failed jokes and sipped on more coffee while picking around the food. He would eat half and seemed to get lost in his thoughts. A place no one else could reach.

The library had more journals. Perhaps I picked up the last of it. The man in the book was vague and spoke of protective spells, defense against spirits and darkness. It was strange to think it was fiction or perhaps this man had gone insane on his own. Was the same thing happening to me in this place?

“What are reading?”

I sucked in a breath. The voice was so strange and deep with some kind of pain that I could barely reply. He stood at the doorway. Arms crossed and his footsteps were slow coming to me. I felt my heart quicken as he went to take the journal from me and there was a jolt. He shot a look of shock. It was the first emotion I had seen in him all day. He relaxed and took the book again. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He opened the journal and began to read curiously. I took another journal and started reading. He never said a word. So I didn’t either. We sat in the library til the sun came up. I felt myself drifting and I finally fell asleep. I woke up with a blanket. He was drinking coffee and looking at another journal. He took one good look at me and he wanted to say something. But he refused and continued reading. A few days would go by. I learned the names of different spells out of curiosity. The man in the journals had a wife that left him after having their son cause his “crazy delusions”. He claimed to want to protect his family and that the darkness spreading was too evil. The sadness could of caused his madness to worsen over time. And we were reading the aftermath of it all.

I would catch glimpses of him reading and whenever he spoke to my parents. It was nice to see them together as they treated him as their own. They mentioned he didn’t have family or anyone else around. To be nice since they’ve been working with him for a while to figure out a phenomenon happening in town. At times he would glance at me and even though I smiled he would look away. I never felt as though I liked anyone but something about this man and stoic personality. I couldn’t pinpoint it. I wanted to know more about him and his past. His interests and yet here I was gazing at him at a lost with words. A part of me couldn’t resist and I finally balled up the courage to ask.

“What happened to you…?”

The question was so sudden. He blinked a couple of times and I could see his body tense. It had been over a week of us studying the journals and barely saying a word to each other. He sighed and said “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you…don’t ask me that again”

I bit my lip as I hung my head in defeat and decided to get a snack out of frustration. I sat in the recliner and sighed. How could I like someone who barely speaks or acknowledges my existence? He’d probably think I was crazy anyway.

Tap…tap…tap.

That sound….

Tap…Tap…TAP

I froze. Was it behind me? I slowly turned to the window. A pale hand. Through the sheer curtains. I could see it. A face was coming up. My throat went dry. I felt a pull. A silence around me. As I started walking towards the window. My heart felt as though it could burst with fear. It had no eyes. An emptiness. Why was I walking towards it? The shriek slowly building in my head. I wanted to run. Everything was telling me to run. Why can’t I run?